One thing’s for sure, you don’t get to choose who you fall in love with. For sure you can choose who you go on dates with and who you pursue a romantic relationship with, but in some cases the heart speaks for itself.

Perhaps you’ve gone on a third, fourth, even fifth date with someone you thought you liked, but it’s just not clicking. Or maybe you really really want to like someone who seems perfect on paper but you just can’t help yourself – you don’t.

And maybe the person you fell in love with was absolutely the opposite to what you thought your ‘type’ was, maybe even someone who you had a really unlikely start with. And yet here you are, fully in love with them.

It’s the stuff of romance novels, really. If it’s true love, it won’t even matter what the people around you think – you’ll love them anyway.

But the guy in this story, who is happily married, is really confused about the person that his best friend fell in love with, and ultimately it cost them their friendship.

Read on to find out why.

AITA for causing my ex-girlfriend’s husband (also, my previous best friend) to cry at the bar?

My wife and I (female and male, both 30) attended a wedding this past weekend. Also, my ex-girlfriend Anne (31, female) and her husband Jared (31, male) attended the same wedding.

For some historical context, I’ve had two serious relationships in my life. Anne and I dated for 4 years and it ended with her cheating on me.

At the time, Jared was the one who witnessed it (it wasn’t him) and called me immediately to tell me about it. Jared and I grew up together and were best friends for a long time.

After this relationship with Anne ended, I met my now wife and we’ve been happily married for 6 years. We have a beautiful boy together and couldn’t be happier.

Let’s see how Anne and Jared ended up getting together.

About two years ago, Jared reached out and asked me if it would be okay if he started dating Anne. Summarizing, my response was, “I can’t tell you who to date,” but that I would distance myself from them as I don’t allow crazy into my life.

He told me he understood.

A month later he let me know they were dating and still wanted me in my life.

I held firm with my boundary even though I considered him my best friend and really looked up to him.

Fast forwarding, they are now married and are expecting a little boy in the fall.

They tried to be polite at the wedding.

Back to the wedding night this weekend. My wife and I congratulated both Anne and Jared in person, and we had a pleasant catch up conversation between the four of us.

Afterwards, we all went to an after party at a very crowded bar. Jared and I were both pretty inebriated at this point. He proceeded to tell me he missed me and loved me and was glad that we were going to be best friends again.

I paused for a second and then told him that while I love him nothing has changed. It is okay that we grew apart and we don’t need each other in our lives.

He proceeded to bawl in front of the rest of wedding party, our wives, and the rest of the bar. This made me (and many others) really uncomfortable.

AITA?

This guy is absolutely entitled to maintain his boundaries for his own reasons, and is of no obligation to justify them.

It’s on Jared that he hasn’t understood or respected the boundaries, and instead made assumptions based on one nice conversation.

Sure, Jared might miss his best friend and regret the fact that they’re not close any more, but it’s not something he should expect his friend to relax his boundaries for if it makes him uncomfortable.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who doesn’t want to go to the amusement park with her friend anymore, because the friend can no longer ride most of the attractions.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person couldn’t believe that Jared chose Anne.

While others thought he needed to understand and respect his friend’s boundaries.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought that Jared had made his own bed.

In the end, Jared got into a relationship with Anne while fully aware of the boundaries that his best friend had set. And if he was willing to sacrifice his best friend in order to spend his life with the woman who cheated on his best friend – well, that was his decision to make.

But he should have taken his friend at his word, and absolutely believed that he meant what he’d said. Anything else was not only risky, but also highly disrespectful.

Sure, when they met up at a wedding, they were able to have a nice conversation, but that doesn’t mean anything more than they were being civil and catching up. It certainly didn’t indicate that the boundaries were removed, that his best friend was suddenly okay with the fact that Jared had chosen Anne of all people. But the worst part of this was the fact that Jared chose the wedding after party to break down in tears in front of everyone.

Sure this might have been genuine drunken sorrow at realizing he’d lost his best friend. But it could also have been a guilt tripping activity, serving only to make everyone uncomfortable. Regardless of his intention, he succeeded in making people feel weird, at least.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a professor who missed a major funding deadline after they told their graduate student to leave them alone.