There comes a point where supporting a friend starts to feel a lot like enabling the same bad decision on repeat.

This woman agreed to accompany her friend to a birthday party because her friend’s ex-boyfriend would be there and she wanted some moral support. That seemed reasonable enough. The relationship had ended badly, there were still hurt feelings, and having a friend nearby sounded like a good idea.

The problem arose when the party ended. While most people headed elsewhere, some attendees went to the ex-boyfriend’s house for an after-party. Despite spending the evening barely speaking to him, OP’s friend suddenly became determined to go—and repeatedly pressured OP to come along.

From OP’s perspective, this wasn’t just another party invitation. It was the latest chapter in a long-running pattern where her friend repeatedly puts herself in situations that leave her hurt, disappointed, or confused. After listening to the same drama play out over and over, OP finally lost patience and told her friend exactly what she thought.

WIBTAH For Refusing To Go With My Friend To Her Ex Boyfriend’s House?

My friend Jen invited me to a birthday party last weekend. She wanted someone there with her because her ex boyfriend was attending and she was upset with him. I said sure since I was going anyway.

When the party was winding down, some people headed to her ex boyfriend’s house for an after party and she wanted me to go there with her.

I refused to go because they weren’t even on speaking terms at the party and she could just avoid all the drama by staying at the pub with me and the other people we know.

Sounds like a lot of drama.

For background, they dated twice. He broke up with her in the middle of the night last time and she had no way to get home.

Then she went back to his place to hang out as friends and each time she ends up leaving because he makes her upset.

One time was him saying he’s still in love with his other ex girlfriend and the other time was him asking her to have a threesome.

Oh?

She’s been back to his place since the party, but I think it’s a stupid cycle to be in. He’s clearly giving her attention to be a friends with benefits and she wants more and won’t accept the situation for what it is.

She was driving me crazy because she kept asking me to go with her and her friends were pressuring her to go there too.

I finally got annoyed and told her she lost her mind and it’s a toxic environment and she should move on. She hasn’t spoken to me since that night. AITA?

Reddit overwhelmingly leaned NTA, with many commenters saying OP had already fulfilled her obligation by attending the original event as support. Most felt there was a huge difference between accompanying a friend to a neutral gathering and following her into a situation that everyone could see was likely to end badly.

Many readers were particularly frustrated by the pattern described in the post. The ex had allegedly broken up with her in the middle of the night, repeatedly upset her during later interactions, and seemed interested in a very different type of relationship than the one she wanted. Commenters felt OP’s friend wasn’t being blindsided anymore—she was knowingly stepping back into the same dynamic.

While some thought OP’s wording could have been gentler, most agreed that the message itself wasn’t wrong. Friends can offer support, but they aren’t required to participate in every questionable decision. Sometimes the most honest thing a friend can say is, “I’m not helping you do this again.”

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a professor who missed a major funding deadline after they told their graduate student to leave them alone.

This person says she was just trying to protect her more than hurt her.

This person says it’s okay for her to be angry because she did the right thing.

And this person says she’s correct and that’s that.

At some point, being a supportive friend stops meaning “come with me” and starts meaning “please tell me this is a terrible idea.