As you go through life, you get to know your people. And that doesn’t just mean the individuals that you make lifelong friends or long-term relationships with. Rather, you get to know what kind of person you enjoy spending your time with. Because understanding that about yourself can help you to bring together the folk that give your life real meaning and allow you to feel truly yourself.

What does that mean? Well, think of the people in your life – not just the folk who are close to you, but the other regulars in the coffee shop or bar you frequent, friends of the family that you don’t super like but you’re not really sure why. Because it’s probably more than just vibes; they might just not be your people.

Some folk enjoy spending their time with friends and family gossiping about others – neighbours, celebrities, old acquaintances – and this is a totally valid way of maintaining a friendship. Others perfect to do experiences together, with golfing or skydiving, fishing or playing football far preferable to having conversations. Meanwhile, there are those who want to feel close to others, are curious about everything from a buddy’s childhood to their current favourite novel and ask about those and everything in between.

Find your people and the feeling is electric. Try to fit in with the wrong crowd? Well, it’ll feel awkward at best.

The woman in this story likes honesty in her friendships, and as such prefers to tell it like it is. So when her friend was having very little luck on dating apps, she took it upon herself to help. But her friend really didn’t appreciate her attempts at support, and she can’t understand why – because in reality, her buddy seems to prefer a very different style of supportive friend.

Read on to find out what happened here.

AITA for telling my friend she’s in the same league as men she calls ugly?

My friend (nineteen, female) downloaded dating apps like Tinder and Hinge for the first time about a week ago.

For reference, she’s the type that always says she wants a boyfriend, wants to do couple things, feels lonely single, etc.

She’s also, in my opinion at least, very normal and average looks wise: not ugly, not super hot, just alright.

Let’s see how life on the dating apps is treating her friend.

Since then, she’s been complaining to me that almost all the men there are ugly, short, etc., and that she doesn’t match with anybody hot.

I asked to see which people she was calling ugly and so she showed me her likes, and it mostly showed people perfectly in her league, as in moderately attractive guys.

I told her that these guys were all in her league and she should give some of them a chance since she always complains about wanting to be in a relationship.

Read on to find out how the friend reacted to that.

She denied that she’s the same league as them and said that she’s much more attractive than them.

I pointed out that in her own words, she doesn’t match with any of the guys she does find attractive, so she’s not in their league.

She said I was an *******.

AITA?

Was she wrong to encourage her friend to give a chance to potential matches that aren’t simply ‘hot’ and nothing else? No, not at all.

But was she wrong to imply to her friend that she wasn’t particularly attractive herself?

Yes, that was a little mean – and probably didn’t do much for her friend’s confidence. However, she didn’t word things too harshly at least.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a person who abandoned their own D&D campaign when their friends stopped paying attention.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person thought that her friend had a right to at least try to find the ‘hot’ guy she was after.

However, others thought that the woman was right to urge her friend to be realistic.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought both were wrong for being so close-minded.

It’s absolutely true that attractiveness is subjective, and different people are attracted by different things. Some people might only care about someone’s looks, whether they have a movie-star smile or a perfectly toned body. Other people want their person to be more huggable and down to earth. More than that though, plenty of folk focus first and foremost on personality.

So that’s not to say that the friend is wrong for looking for a hot guy – I mean come on, she’s nineteen, she deserves to date someone jaw-droppingly gorgeous if that’s what she’s feeling. But at the same time, it’s not unfair to say that her buddy had her friend’s apparent desire for a cosy relationship in mind when she encouraged her to give average-looking folk a chance. Because behind the cute but not instantly breathtaking smile could be the soul she’s destined to fall in love with. Because looks fade but a person’s character? That’s forever.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who doesn’t want to go to the amusement park with her friend anymore, because the friend can no longer ride most of the attractions.