College is supposed to be the time you figure out who you are, and one thing this student figured out is that she had been putting in 100% of the effort into family visits while her parents had been giving her 0%.

In this story, one college student grappled with the fact that she had been making a solo hour-plus drive home every month for two years while her family collectively decided the same trip was too far to make in return.

Holidays, birthdays, family events were all 100% on her. The same relatives who cited distance as their reason had visited her college town multiple times and never once added her to the itinerary.

So when she finally said she was done making the drive, the phone started ringing immediately with the guilt trips.

Little did they realize she’d been independent since she was 16, and she’s no stranger to making her own way.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITAH for telling my family I won’t come see them anymore?

I (20F) told my family that I won’t be coming to see them anymore.

For context, I’m in my junior year of college and I decided to move over an hour away due to familial issues while I was still in high school.

So when she does go back to visit, it’s always an ordeal.

Fast forward to now — every time there is a holiday, birthday, or anything happening, I’m required to drive over an hour to go home, plus make stops at all my family members’ houses to see them.

She’s starting to feel like her efforts are going unrequited.

This usually wouldn’t be an issue for me, but gas is overly expensive, and I’ve noticed since my freshman year that no one except my sister and best friend has come to visit me.

If I go longer than a month and a half without coming home, my family will start calling me to ask when I’m coming home to visit.

This student has already told her family how she feels, but they don’t seem to care.

I have made it very clear that I don’t like making the drive because I have to do it alone, and I often get sleepy since it’s mainly a straight shot on the interstate for the majority of the time.

To make matters even worse, when I bring up the fact that no one ever comes to see me, they always complain that the drive is too long — but they see no problem with me making it myself.

Not only that, but most of the family members I visit have come to the town where my college is several times but have never made an effort to come see me.

If they find out I went home and didn’t come see them, they immediately get upset.

Despite her family’s excuses, she thinks they’re still behaving really unfairly.

I personally don’t think it’s fair, because at the end of the day, even though I’m 20 and have been very independent and on my own since I was 16, I am still the child.

I should not have to go out of my way to visit adults who never come visit me.

So AITA for telling them I’m not going home anymore?

Families that only notice the effort after it stops tend to have had it pretty comfortable while it was running.

What did Reddit have to say?

If her family wants to make it happen, they have to put in the effort. Plain and simple.

Relationships are a two-way street.

Being an adult means getting to forge your own path.

Independent college students tend to get a bit more financial help.

This family’s playbook was pretty clear: scrape by doing the bare minimum until someone notices, then deny, gaslight and guilt. Classic story.

She has been taking care of herself since she was sixteen, so she knows what it’s like to be independent. But still she deserves to have a family who ares about her. And right now, they aren’t showing they care — at least not in the way she needs them to.

Effort goes both ways, and it’s time this family realizes that.

If you enjoyed this post, check out this story about a sister who canceled a family dinner after realizing she’d been the only one putting in effort for years.