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If you’ve got a large friend group, it goes without saying that you’ll be closer with some than others. In fact, you might even find that there are one or two folks in the group that you’re personally not that keen on, but others are really good friends with them, so you tolerate them, even welcome them, regardless. After all, you might become closer in time, and if not? Well you’ve got your buddies by your side regardless, so you wouldn’t not want to be part of things.

But what happens if the folks at the centre of the friend group start acting in ways you don’t necessarily like? Whatever that might be, and there are a whole range of behaviors that any individual person might not be comfortable with that you’re not a fan and don’t really want to take part. But that puts you in an awkward position, since you don’t really want to be apart from your friend group either.

A strong person? A strong person would walk away, putting their morals and choices first, ahead of all others. They might even be the first of the friend group to walk away, paving the way for others to do the same.

But let’s be honest, we’re not all that strong, or at least we can’t be all the time. So plenty of people would also just turn a blind eye to the unsavoury choices, hoping that they will end soon and things can get back to normal.

That was certainly the case for the guy in this story, who chose to turn a blind eye to his friend’s inappropriate comments about a female friend. But when that female friend found out, things didn’t go down well for anyone involved.

Read on to find out what happened.

AITA for staying silent about my friends’ behavior toward my friend?

I (22, male) have had the same friend group for many years. There are 7 of us.

Recently, one of our female friends found out that some of the guys in the group had been saying extremely disgusting and mean things about her behind her back.

Misogynistic comments, objectification, that kind of stuff.

Let’s see how this news has affected his female friend.

I never actively participated in those conversations to that extent, and I always thought it was disgusting, but I also never told her about it.

One of my friends eventually told her everything, and now she’s deeply disappointed in me too.

The justification I gave myself for a long time was that telling her would only hurt her more without really helping anything.

But now she says she would’ve preferred to know, because she feels like she was living a lie surrounded by fake people.

And this woman’s hurt is cutting deep.

She’s not accusing me of making the comments myself, but she’s very hurt that I knew and stayed silent.

I already apologized and admitted that I probably handled this in the worst possible way.

But honestly, I still don’t know what the “right” thing to do would’ve been in a situation like this.

AITA?

When you have people in your life that you consider to be close friends, it’s important to know that they’ve got your back, just as you’ve got theirs.

That’s why this woman is so hurt, because she thought that the people around her cared and would be there for her.

Sure he wasn’t saying the things himself, but the fact that he stayed silent is not a good look.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person clearly explained how he’d messed up here.

While others pointed out that by not saying anything, he was complicit.

Meanwhile, this Redditor warned that comments like this could lead to something even worse.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a disabled driver who gets revenge on a woman who took a handicapped spot.

It’s truly hurtful to find out that someone you thought was your friend is saying nasty things about you behind your back. But when you find out that those nasty things also potentially threaten your safety? Well that feels very difficult to recover from. It goes without saying that the woman will never be able to trust the misogynistic guy again, but then, why would she want to? He’s set his stock out, and it is disgusting.

What’s almost as bad though, is finding out that your friends knew, that they’ve been listening, perhaps even laughing along, without challenging the guy or telling him how inappropriate his words are. A good friend would tell him to stop, or at the very least distance themselves from the perpetrator. But this guy didn’t, he heard the ‘jokes’ and maybe felt a little bad about it, but did nothing.

The real thing a good friend would do? Tell the woman who the guy is ridiculing. Because knowledge is power, and with the knowledge that the guy was a misogynist she could cut him out, or keep her distance. Without knowing, she could have ended up in a potentially dangerous situation, and she would have known no better. Women’s safety isn’t a joke, but this guy refuses to take it seriously.