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Caregiving is hard enough when the person you’re caring for is kind. When the person has spent decades burning bridges, insulting everyone around them, and making every interaction emotionally exhausting? That’s a completely different story.

This man took family leave to help care for his 68-year-old mother as she battles stage 4 stomach cancer. Despite a difficult childhood marked by alcoholism, neglect, foster care, and years of emotional damage, he stayed because he genuinely cared about her and wanted to help during the worst period of her life.

But two months into what was supposed to be a three-month leave, he’s running on fumes. His mother has alienated nearly every family member, regularly insults his wife, argues with hospice staff, berates nurses, and even managed to yell at the chaplain. Meanwhile, he’s sacrificing his own life and mental health to stay by her side while receiving little more than criticism in return.

Now he’s wondering whether walking away makes him heartless—or just human.

AITAH for wanting to walk away from caregiver for my mother?

Me, 39M, and I have been looking after my mom (F 68) and helping around the house whilst she deals with stage 4 stomach cancer.

I eventually have to leave because I only have 3 months of family leave, but I’m two months in and I cant take anymore of this.

My mother has alienated her self from our entire family minus me because she is verbally abusive to many people, she once told my niece when she was 3 to shut the f*** up because you have an annoying voice, she once called my sister a wh*** and there is a lot more.

Wow.

I stick around because I genuinely care for her but lately, she keeps saying sh*t about my wife saying she only uses me for money and that she is mean which is factually incorrect.

She also constantly argues about how people owe her money from 15 years ago and she also says some of the meanest shit about my aunt (her sister).

I’m at my wits end and just want to walk away now.

Who would blame you?

She also was ready to enter a nursing home but backed out because she found out they’ll only let her keep 50 dollars of her income and she also cant smoke around the clock like she can at home.

She is constantly mean to the hospice nurses who come here and she yelled at the chaplain one day.

So AITAH for wanting to walk away early and maybe permanently? She put me through hell as a child too and I spent years in foster care and institutions due to her alcoholism/neglect. I am really tired of being belittled and having my wife be put down who has been nothing but nice to my mother.

Reddit sided with NTA, and many commenters didn’t even hesitate. While people sympathized with the reality that his mother is dying and likely scared, they also pointed out that a terminal diagnosis doesn’t suddenly erase a lifetime of abusive behavior or create an unlimited entitlement to someone else’s emotional labor.

Many commenters were struck by the fact that OP has already given far more than most people would after the childhood he described. Between the foster care, neglect, alcoholism, and continued attacks on his wife, they felt he had already shown extraordinary compassion by being there at all. Several also noted that caregiver burnout is very real, especially when the person receiving care is openly hostile toward those helping them.

The general consensus was that choosing to protect your own mental health isn’t abandonment. Sometimes it’s finally recognizing that love and obligation have limits.

This person says to go home and get some R&R.

This person says a convo with hospice might be helpful.

And this person says OP has done more than enough and it’s time to let go.

At some point, “being the bigger person” just becomes carrying everyone else’s baggage until your own back gives out.