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Years of constant financial support don’t always guarantee gratitude, and one friend group is learning that lesson the hard way.

For four years, one friend group reshaped their entire social calendar to help a struggling friend feel included, covering meals and skipping expensive outings without ever making it a big deal.

But now that this friend’s finances have improved, she’s spending heavily on an expensive hobby she never actually uses, all while still complaining to coworkers about barely affording basic necessities.

When her birthday wishlist arrived filled with costly hobby items, one friend declined and suggested something more practical instead, only to be told flatly to buy nothing at all if it wasn’t exactly what she wanted.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITA for refusing to buy my friend what she wants for her birthday?

My friend Debbie (F38) has been going through some financial trouble over the past 6 years or so because she lost a great deal of work during the pandemic, and was not doing great mentally.

So her friend group rallied around her, trying to lift her up as much as possible.

Whilst she was going through hard times, my friends Carter (M38), Burton (M34), and I would pay for her meals when eating out and try our best to meet up with her in free environments or invite her to our houses and cater at home.

We actively avoided going to expensive places just to make her feel more welcome for 4 whole years.

Debbie’s life soon started to turn around, but still struggles with overspending.

Things have thankfully picked up a little since last year financially.

Debbie has recently gotten into a hobby that is a real money-drain. She buys expensive mini-figures with the intent of painting them, buys all the gear, but then never actually does anything with them.

She has been buying all sorts of really expensive and rare kits, and cataloguing them to see how much they would cost if she sold them. She has no intention of ever selling them.

This behavior doesn’t bode well with her friends who have already spent a considerable amount of cash on her.

This kind of rubbed us the wrong way, not because she was spending money on a hobby, but because she would then come to work and complain to all our colleagues about how she’s too broke to afford her mortgage and pet’s food.

So as her birthday came around, things got even more dramatic.

Her birthday is in a couple of days and she has given us a wish list with very expensive sets from her hobby. If I’m honest, this is money I can’t afford to spend regardless of what the object is, but I found it worse that it’s part of this hobby, and I feel like I would be encouraging her to spend even more on this hobby.

I really don’t want to enable this behaviour, especially since she still complains about money every time we meet up or try to make plans.

So one person decides to be honest with Debbie, but she was unwilling to compromise..

I approached her and told her I couldn’t afford to buy her this set, and she went on a whole rant about how this hobby is the only thing that brings her joy. I asked if I could get her something else, but she told me to buy her nothing if it wasn’t these sets.

Carter and Burton also don’t want to pitch in to buy her this set, because they told her it isn’t a good idea to keep spending money on this hobby.

Debbie seems to have an “all or nothing” mentality.

I asked if there was something more useful she could use, maybe something she couldn’t afford previously, and she retorted that I should mind my own money and buy her what she wants. She added that she’s a grown adult and she knows how to handle her money.

None of us have bought her anything for her birthday, which is in 2 days.

So, AITA for not buying her what she wants?

Sounds like Debbie puts a lot of pressure onto her friends — both financially and emotionally.

Redditors chime in with their thoughts.

This commenter vehemently believes no 38-year-old woman should be behaving this way.

“Tacky” is the word that first comes to mind for this user.

At this point, Debbie will be lucky if she gets a gift at all.

This commenter thinks Debbie is breaking a clear rule of friend etiquette.

The disconnect between “too broke for pet food” and “needs a very specific expensive hobby set for her birthday” is too wide to ignore.

Years of adjusting plans and covering meals already demonstrated real commitment to supporting this friend through genuine hardship, which makes the current ultimatum feel especially out of line.

Friends aren’t obligated to fund hobbies that conflict directly with someone’s own stated financial struggles, and setting that boundary doesn’t make anyone the villain of this story.

For this birthday, the gift this friend really needs is the gift of common sense.