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Watching a friend slowly ruin his own life while insisting he’s doing the right thing is one of the most helpless feelings another person can have.

One man has been stuck in that cycle with his friend Rob for two years, watching him house, feed, and financially support an ex-girlfriend who treated him badly and hasn’t held a real job in years.

To make matters worse, this friend has even gone into five figures of debt over her. He vents about it constantly, rejects all advice, and frames his refusal to set boundaries as proof that he’s a “good person.”

So, growing tired of the constant negativity, one man begins to wonder if his empathy has finally run out.

Keep reading for the full story.

WIBTA if I tell me friend to stop complaining about his ex?

I have a friend. Let’s call him Rob.

Rob broke up with his girlfriend (let’s call her Jen) about two years ago, but they were effectively broken up well before that.

That’s a long story, but needless to say, she was not a good partner at all.

I always tried to inform Rob of this, but he refused to accept it and got defensive if I or anyone else said anything remotely disparaging about the way she was treating him, so I left it alone and let him learn on his own.

But the breakup wasn’t quite the clean break that many people expect.

Jen hasn’t been able to hold down a job since before the breakup and Rob has allowed Jen to stay with him at his house since they were already living together.

Reminder: that was two years ago.

Rob is convinced if she moves out, she’ll be immediately homeless and it’ll be his fault.

He doesn’t want help or suggestions and she’s been living in his house rent free the entire time.

This has taken quite the financial toll on Rob.

He told me he got himself 5 figures in debt over her. He had given her her own credit card to use and only recently took that off the table.

He’s going to give her the car when it’s paid off. He’s spending thousands of dollars taking care of a full grown woman (she’s almost 40) even though she treated him so badly in their relationship.

It’s also messing with his life in other ways.

He told me he lost the chance at at least one romantic relationship because of this situation and that person’s moved on.

He has brought this up multiple times.

Despite not wanting advice, Rob has the habit of constantly moping about his ex living with him.

What makes it even more frustrating is the fact that Rob refuses to take meaningful action.

He won’t tell her off and only about 3 months ago did he finally start making her sleep on the couch rather than in his bed.

She’s applying for jobs, but I’ve tried explaining that she’s got no actual incentive to move out because she’s got it made right where she is.

He doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge this fact.

Now this friend is getting tired of hearing Rob’s complaining.

He’s complaining to me all the time that he doesn’t get to be intimate with anyone (which doesn’t make sense because other people have living spaces) but he laments that it’s his own doing “because he’s not an AH.”

Honestly, at this point, I feel like he kind of is. To himself and everyone in his orbit — apart from Jen.

Anyway, my question is: WIBTA for telling him he either needs to kick Jen out of his house or stop complaining about it to me?

Everyone has their limits, and this man had reached his.

What did Reddit have to say?

This user would also be pretty fed up with Rob’s antics.

This commenter can’t get on board with Rob’s antics.

This commenter sees through Rob’s excuses.

The time has come to walk away.

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At some point, friendship stops being about unconditional listening and starts being about honesty, even when the honesty isn’t welcome.

He’s not a bad friend for reaching this point. He’s a friend who’s been listening for two years, watching a man dig himself deeper into a hole he refuses to climb out of, and absorbing the same complaints on repeat without being allowed to offer real input.

That’s exhausting, and it’s unsustainable.

“Fix it or stop talking to me about it” sounds harsh, but it’s actually one of the most honest things a friend can say.