Pexels

Being the oldest sibling in a household where you carry parental responsibilities means making calls that don’t always feel good but need to happen anyway.

You’re not the fun sister in those moments. You’re the one enforcing rules.

A 22-year-old woman who helps raise her two younger siblings stepped in when her 16-year-old autistic brother was being cruel to their 10-year-old sibling while their parents were out.

She asked for his phone as a consequence, a punishment the family uses consistently.

When she told a friend what happened, the friend accused her of bullying her brother. And as Redditors dug into more details of the story, they started to wonder if her methods were more harmful than helpful.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITA for taking away my brother’s phone and refusing to give it back?

I (22F) am the older sister of two brothers (16M and 10M) for which I often serve as a third parent to.

My older brother is autistic which causes him to be preoccupied with his own thing which has a side effect of him being very impatient and nasty towards our younger brother, often just trying to get a rise or reaction out of him.

So the family has a familiar approach for dealing with this.

For which we often punish my older brother by taking away the things he loves. For him it’s computer or phone access because that is where he is most sensitive.

And punishment is the primary way autistic people learn.

They’ve been trying to find more ways to get him to branch out.

He has a friend in them that he communicates with every single day and we do it to have him learn that this is a treat and not a lifeline. If he is distressed, make more friends outside of the computer or find another hobby.

He claims he “wants to code” but I haven’t seen him do it and it requires a computer so he loses that privilege when he misbehaves.

And also to keep him compliant and not so belligerent, he has been prescribed risperidone and Cymbalta, which is often given to unruly autistic kids by professionals.

So one day, there’s discord between her brothers.

A couple of days ago my older brother was being nasty to my younger brother again while my parents were away, calling my younger brother a “demon” for screeching at the top of his lungs.

For which I literally had to come out of the shower and ask why he was teasing his younger brother.

So the conflict continues to escalate.

He immediately fawned and said it was “because he is stupid” and “his brother was in his room and not leaving and being a jerk” and “he has it on camera.”

I just said I didn’t care. I asked for his phone, immediately. If he doesn’t give it now, I won’t give it back.

She continued to be tough with him.

He refused.

I went closer to him and asked again.

He refused, and I snatched it and went to my room.

He tried claiming “he bought it himself” but I threatened to snap it in half and only then did he begrudgingly accept.

Since then my brother has not talked to me and is rather sullen about it as he nonetheless waits out his punishment.

Her inner circle starts to turn against her.

I told a friend about this but they immediately got on me for “bullying my brother” and taking away something he likes for “standing up for himself.”

I tried explaining that rules are rules but they said to me, “You’re going to ruin your relationship with him.”

And I had to explain I often have to be his biggest advocate, but they wouldn’t return my calls or texts after that.

My parents and younger brother think I did the right thing, but did I?

AITA?

Sounds like things got out of control fast.

What did Reddit have to say?

This user is against her philosophy in the strongest possible terms.

This user calls out some troubling inconsistencies in this family dynamic.

This commenter also shares their disapproval.

A user with autism speaks up.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mom who wants her daughter to help pay for her own cell phone, but her daughter says she can’t force her to get a job.

The young woman in this story claims that she’s her brother’s biggest advocate, and she probably believes that completely. But advocacy that only shows up when it’s convenient and disappears the second he’s difficult isn’t advocacy.

Sure, it was wrong for her sibling to call his brother a “demon.” But he’s also 16, autistic, medicated for compliance, socially isolated to one friend he talks to through a screen, and living in a house where the person with authority over him didn’t want to hear his side of the story.

She threatened to snap his phone in half. It’s hard to see that as a productive intervention.