Funerals are tough, and unless you’re literally a paid mourner (yes, they do exist), the chances are you do not enjoy attending them. Because when a loved one passes away, we face all kinds of emotions – and in some cultures, those emotions aren’t really publicly acknowledged or embraced, which can make actually showing them even more difficult. But even if your culture does embrace big, messy emotions, the reality that your loved one is really gone can sometimes be too much to bear.

Of course, the outpouring of love and support that can come from a funeral can be some condolence to the bereaved, at least. And the fact that family and friends get together to celebrate the life of the deceased afterwards, sharing stories and fond memories can actually be quite enjoyable, and an important part of the healing process. But that’s not to say that it won’t be hard – because of course if you love someone, it’s very hard to let them go.

The woman in this story has recently faced that grief, and is still struggling with the loss of her grandmother. So when her great aunt passes away not long after, she understandably struggles – not just with the death itself, but with the expectation that she attend the woman’s funeral at a time when her mental health is at its lowest.

Read on to find out what happened here.

AITA for not wanting to go to the funeral of someone I don’t know?

I’ve been in a bad emotional state for several months, bordering on falling back into depression.

I’ve had several things happen, including a difficult breakup, not being able to go out, and, most importantly, my grandmother passed away less than a year ago.

This past year has been a constant grieving process, with monthly masses that I didn’t like to attend because it brought back that heavy and draining atmosphere.

Then, yesterday, one of my grandfather’s sister passed away.

Let’s see how she is feeling after this most recent death in the family.

I barely knew her, and to be honest, I didn’t want to go to the funeral because it would relive that atmosphere of grief and sadness, and I don’t feel emotionally ready for that; I’m already very depleted.

I had planned an outing two weeks ago, and I wasn’t planning to cancel it because of the funeral. But now my mom is upset, saying that she “doesn’t know what they did wrong,” basically implying that I don’t care about the family anymore. She makes comments like, “And when I die, she won’t go then?”

My mom wants to be there for my grandfather, but I really don’t feel up to going.

AITA?

Her mom is emotionally abusing her with those guilt-tripping comments, plain and simple.

This wouldn’t be okay anyway, but given everything else this woman is going through, that is not fair at all.

Sure some people might want to attend to support others, but there is no obligation to go to a funeral, ever – and her mom needs to realise that.

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Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person agreed that she needed to put her own mental health first, whilst also showing her family she still cared.

While others called out her mother for the manipulation.

However, this Redditor disagreed, thinking that she was wrong to not attend.

Everyone processes grief differently, and it’s very clear that this woman is still struggling with her grandmother’s death. To then be hit with another death so soon afterwards must be really tough, especially since she can barely go to mass without her depression being deeply triggered. So it’s no wonder that the prospect of attending the funeral of someone she doesn’t really know is too much for her right now – and if she has opened up to her mom about her mental health, it is her role as a mother to try to understand that.

Of course, there is the option that she attends the funeral, not for her own grief and processing (after all, she barely knew the woman) but to be there and support the grieving – particularly her mother and her grandfather, who have both experienced two major losses in a short space of time. And so long as her mother doesn’t have a history of manipulative behaviour, it could be the deep emotional turmoil of this that is leading her to behaving this way now. That doesn’t make it okay, of course. But if the funeral is going to worsen this woman’s depression, and potentially put her into a dangerous headspace, there is no way she should be attending at all, and the people around her need to show more compassion.

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