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If you’ve reached your thirties and are unmarried, then you will understand the level of pressure that plenty of folk in similar situations find themselves in. Because even though you might be happy in your life, that’s unlikely to be enough for the folks around you. Parents, grandparents, even some friends? They’re constantly badgering you, trying to set you up with your perfect match, because no one can believe that you are actually happy the way you are, or at the very least, you want to find your person organically, without rushing and starting a life with someone entirely unsuitable for you in the long term.

But as the years go on and everyone around you seems to be living happy married lives, things can start to get a little sore. Because while some people are very happy to live independent lives, others have a desire in their heart to be part of a partnership, to find their person and build a life together. There is no right or wrong way to do things. It’s not as if an independent life is less full than a married one. You simply have to go with your heart.

For the best friend of the woman in this story, single life has become a little old, so she’s trying to find her person sooner rather than later. However, as her friends begin to try to set her up with lovely, available guys, it becomes clear that what she’s looking for in a man is a collection of attributes that very few actually have.

Read on to find out what she’s demanding.

AITA for telling my best friend that her dating standards are unrealistic?

My best friend—let’s call her “Elle”—and I (both 32, female) have been close for ten or so years.

During that time, she’s been in a couple of relationships, but has been single for a few years now.

Amongst our friends, Elle is the only unmarried one. She’s made it clear that she’s unhappy with being single, sincerely hopes to get into a serious relationship, and get married sooner rather than later.

I can understand her frustrations, especially since she’s the only single friend, wants kids someday, and so on.

Now, Elle has decided it’s time to make a change.

About a month ago, Elle told me that she intends to be more proactive with dating this year, and asked if I had anyone to introduce her to.

Unfortunately, I don’t, but another friend mentioned knowing a great guy (who I happen to have met before) who’s single, and looking for something serious.

Elle was introduced (via text) to the guy, and they soon started talking on the phone. Elle says he has a lot of “good attributes” (e.g. very educated, high salary) but she finds him completely unattractive because they’re the same height (he’s 5’7″ and she’s 5’7″) and because of his darker skin tone.

I tried to convince her that his height and looks shouldn’t take precedence over his personality, but this soon led to a major revelation on her dating standards that left me completely dumbfounded.

Read on to find out what Elle expects of a partner.

Elle told me that she’s only interested a man who is, in her words, an “8 or better” (looks-wise), taller than her when she’s wearing heels, of a certain complexion, ideally has no beard, has advanced degrees, makes over $100k/year, doesn’t have kids, and is currently attending church every week or every other week.

But the big kicker that got me was that she insists that she’s unwilling to date a man (like, go out on dates) who won’t commit to waiting until marriage to be intimate. Yes, she’s religious but she’s completely pure, and has been intimate in all past relationships.

According to Elle, this is a conversation that should be had before even the first date, and if the guy isn’t firmly agreeing, it’s a no-go.

When I challenged her thoughts and logic on this, she got increasingly upset.

Let’s see how this best friend tried to advise Elle.

I told her that I think she’s asking for a very tall order, making “dating” harder than it should be.

I’m not saying she should compromise on her religious values, but I am trying to tell her that she should be more open-minded about her criteria because she’s looking for a one in a million guy, while also prematurely shutting down and shutting out some potentially great guys because of their income and/or height.

Elle is now furious at me and says I’m not being a supportive friend. She says that I don’t understand her faith and am being something of a Debbie Downer.

AITA?

Elle needs a reality check. She’s single for a reason – because there are very few men who fulfill every single one of her demands.

Falling for someone doesn’t work like this, and she needs to realize that. It’s important to have standards and know what you’re looking for in a person, but this is a lot.

She could find a man who fits all of these attributes but has a horrible personality. Would she date him just because he ticks all of her boxes?

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person agreed that Elle was being unrealistic.

While this guy explained that she needed to amend those standards if she wanted to be happy.

Meanwhile, others thought that if Elle wasn’t going to listen to advice, all the friend could do was humor her.

Elle must look around at her life, see all her friends in relationships, and just think that somehow they got lucky. Either that or she’s judging all her friends’ ‘imperfect’ partners and presuming that they are all lying about being happily married.

Listen, there’s nothing wrong with high standards, and if you’re going to spend your life with someone you absolutely need to make sure that it’s the right person. And if faith and holding out until marriage is important to her then, that should absolutely be respected.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mom who wants her daughter to help pay for her own cell phone, but her daughter says she can’t force her to get a job.

But love isn’t about ticking every box. Because personality is so much more important than a person’s looks – after all, anything can happen to a person’s looks over time – especially as they age – but if you’ve married someone with a compatible personality, who makes you smile and feel good about yourself, then you’re going to continue being in love for the rest of your life.

What Elle has described isn’t the criteria for a love match. It’s the criteria for someone very fickle, who thinks that a high income and a lack of beard is the recipe for happiness. Here’s a reality check: it is not. She needs to give men a chance, not make them jump through hoops to prove themselves to her. Otherwise? Well, there’s a reason why she’s single, and if she doesn’t lighten up it’s going to stay that way.