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When we grow up in our own family, we naturally think that the attitudes and situation we are raised in is normal. After all, when you’re a kid that’s really all you know. So if you spend your summers playing in the yard with your dad, or have dinner at Grandma’s place every Sunday, you might assume that it’s the same for all kids, but as you grow up and spend time with other people’s families, you’ll learn that rarely is that the case.

This really comes clear when you start dating. Because when you’re in a long-term relationship with someone, you become a part of their family, hanging out with their siblings, eating at their parents’ house, attending family events and celebrations. You might even be with them for the holidays. And spending this much time with another family brings your own family’s habits and routines into focus because of how different they are from the way that other families live, communicate, and treat one another.

For the family in this story, it seems to be normal to over-rely on each other, to demand things and have big expectations for family members. It’s something that they accept, even though for others it might be suffocating. This was proven when the older brother got into a relationship with a woman from another country, and she wasn’t about to crumble when the family started demanding things of her.

Read on to find out what happened here.

AITA for ruining my brother’s relationship because I wanted his girlfriend to be more involved with our family?

I (28, female) always had a great relationship with my brother (38, male) and the rest of my family. When my son (now five) was born, they supported me through a lot, especially since my baby’s father abandoned us.

The problem started when he met his girlfriend (thirties, female) in university. At the start, I was truly happy for him, especially since he’d talk to me about wanting to ask her out ever since he heard of her from her classmates.

What I didn’t like was that she didn’t care much to keep contact with us, even after being together for well over a year.

She was always too busy to meet our family.

Let’s find out some more about their relationship.

He told me she was an amazing cook, was kind, brilliant, etc., and that he wanted to marry her and travel with her back to her country once she finished her PhD. He’d always talk to us about how lucky he was to be dating her (she’s a judge), and how her government was financing her.

I’ll admit, knowing a childless woman wasn’t working and was paid more money than me – on top of having her rent and other things covered – stung a little, but it had nothing to do with my dislike of her.

I wanted her to be more involved in our family, but there was always an excuse as to why she couldn’t meet us for dinners, etc. She’d be studying, helping someone from abroad (which I don’t really believe, what could she be doing for anyone being miles away?)

And on the rare occasions she was free, she was either travelling to see her family, hosting friends or wanted to be alone.

And the sister really took issue with these excuses.

I didn’t buy that she didn’t have any time for us because she doesn’t work and was always at home, but she stopped accepting my visits and refused anything to do with my son as well, which slowly distanced my brother.

She wouldn’t even babysit when my parents were out of town and I needed her to watch him so I could work. Personally, I don’t think she’s as kind as my brother thought.

My parents were on my side, and my brother wanted to be “neutral,” but asked us to not “stress her out even more.”

A few days ago, me and my parents went to her house to talk things out with them both. We were upset, but tried our best to explain why her distance and refusal to help was unacceptable since she doesn’t work and has free time.

However, this confrontation didn’t go how they’d hoped.

I told her I wished she’d be more caring and she got increasingly angrier, but said nothing. Then she turned to my brother and asked him if he agreed, but he said he didn’t want to take sides.

She said that this was “another example of why she felt so resistant to the idea of getting into a relationship”, that “she couldn’t take it anymore and felt better being alone” and then broke up with him.

I was shocked, none of us expected this and my brother immediately tried to backtrack, but she told all of us to leave her house immediately and to not go back.

Now I’m feeling guilty and my brother won’t speak to us because I ruined his relationship. She isn’t bothering to listen to anyone in our family and I’m afraid there’s no way to fix this.

Was I in the wrong, or did she overreact? AITA?

Wow. The sheer entitlement of this younger sister, thinking that just because someone is in a relationship with her brother, she should be babysitting and spending her free time with the family?

It’s unreal. Especially the belief that because she’s studying for her PhD she’s ‘unemployed’ – studying for a doctorate is a full time job in itself, not just some excuse to be paid to do nothing.

Honestly? This younger sister’s jealousy is showing, and it’s not pretty.

Let’s see what the Reddit community made of this.

This person agreed that it was not the girlfriend’s responsibility to watch the child.

While others thought that this family felt very toxic.

Meanwhile, this Redditor had been in a similar situation, and felt sorry for the girlfriend.

Let’s get one thing quite clear. Just because someone is ‘family’ or dating someone in the family, as is the case for this girlfriend, doesn’t mean they’re automatically obliged to do stuff for the family.

Your kid might need watching, but that doesn’t mean that your siblings, their partners, or any other family member – even your parents – are automatically obliged to do so for you. That’s what paid professionals are for – and if you are lucky enough to have folk in the family who will watch your kids, that’s a wonderful bonus you should be very grateful for.

But this woman staging an intervention with her brother’s girlfriend because she’s not ticking all their boxes? It’s abhorrent, self-entitled behaviour.

It’s no wonder the girlfriend decided to walk away – especially since her boyfriend didn’t back her up. The fact that he was determined to remain neutral was his own downfall, since he should have been backing his girlfriend about the family’s unreasonable demands. He has himself to blame for that part, but it’s completely understandable that he’s mad at his sister for the role she had to play in ruining his relationship. After all, she was the unreasonable one.