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Many people think that racist jokes are funny, but they can actually be quite hurtful.

What would you do if you were at a bachelorette party with the other bridesmaids and they all started making racist jokes, including some about you, and nobody came to your defense?

That is what happened to the woman in this story, so now she is thinking about dropping out of the wedding party entirely.

She certainly has every right to drop out of the wedding party, but she has to know that it would be the end of the friendship. Read through the full story and see what you think she should do.

WIBTAH if I dropped out as a bridesmaid a week before the wedding because of what happened at the bachelorette?

So, I am a bridesmaid in my friends wedding. She just had a bachelorette party at the grooms family’s cabin for 2 nights.

Let’s see what happened here.

It started off okay, but as the attendants got more and more drunk, the racism and anti-semitism started coming out.

For context, everyone else in the wedding party is white. I am mixed Jewish and Filipina.

This sounds like a lovely gift.

My part of the party was to put on a tea party in the afternoon. I spent weeks hand decorating a tea set as a wedding present.

Weddings are huge in my culture and I wanted to share that joy, I bought and cooked a bunch of my cultural food (but the basic stuff even western food people like, lumpia, baked deserts, and skyflakes with cheese and meat).

This wasn’t some type of surprise.

I, of course, checked with the bride and MOH before hand and both of that would be okay, with the bride saying she loved Lumpia.

I was so proud of it and it looked beautiful all set up. But immediately, some of the bridal party started making the “ew ethnic food” faces.

Why would they be so rude?

One of them chased around another with a sweet bun, laughing about how weird and “scary” it was.

It was literally bread and cream. I sent pictures of my set up to other friends to see if it was something I did wrong, and everyone said it looked amazing.

They were trying to be funny, I’m sure.

I want to be clear. People did say thank you, including the bride. They said the set up was very pretty. It was the reaction to the food by some of them (family of the groom who also made the Auschwitz jokes) that I was describing.

That being said, almost nobody spoke during the tea party portion, and blamed it on being tired. The bride and friends did not say anything about the reactions of the other girls. The main feedback I got as that I was clearly a witch because my tea put everyone to sleep. It was a hibiscus, rose, mint, and calamansi mix.

Everyone has a different sense of humor.

But oh well, maybe that food isn’t for them. I moved on. But then the racist jokes started. The party started on Juneteenth, you can imagine the “jokes” that came out of that. Then antisemitic jokes about holocaust camps and more.

This is a direct quote “I say a lot of nazi and holocaust jokes for someone who isn’t racist”. I was trapped on a boat with them when this started happening.

She clearly doesn’t think it is funny.

Later that night, as I was grabbing something from a room to then leave, the main perpetrator said to someone I considered a close friend “I was worried you’d be offended by the Auschwitz jokes because you’re German”.

That friend replied she wasn’t offended. I spoke up “well I might be offended because I’m Jewish”. I got up to leave with my stuff, and the girl said “she’s going back to auschwitz!”

Her friends clearly think that she is being overly sensitive.

My friend, the bride, everyone laughed. I went outside and I cried. They saw me from the window when they all came to eat food. Not a single one of my “friends” came to check on me.

The vibes continued along that line, and I felt like I was in the Jewish/Asian version of get out, stuck in a giant home with a bunch of racist white people. But honestly, the fear from it wasn’t the worst part, it was that not a single one of my “friends” said anything.

This really isn’t helping.

I then was in a 4 hour car ride with one of said friends/bridesmaids on the way home. She spent the last hour of it lecturing me about how she’s “someone who can be cordial around people she doesn’t agree with, but not everyone has that skill, especially when it’s personal”

And that “I need to put myself in other people’s shoes and see that they have positive intentions” and more.

To be fair, the jokes weren’t directed specifically at her.

For context, this cabin was 4 hours away and I have a pretty moderate disability. I was using 110% of my energy for this, and had no energy left by the end of it.

I pushed myself to extremes for these friends and the bride, and it was reciprocated with laughing at anti-semetic jokes at my expense.

She’ll have to decide if she wants to go.

The wedding is next weekend. I can barely see from the migraine I have, and my legs are struggling with walking. I don’t feel it’s worth it to hurt myself for someone who couldn’t bother to stand up for me, or even check on me after.

All my friends of color agree with me, but this was my highschool friend group (I grew up in a very white town) and I also feel guilty like I’m letting them down.

So. AITA?

At the end of the day, she needs to decide if she wants to remain friends with these people or not. If she drops out now, it will likely ruin the friendship (though it wouldn’t be her fault).

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

It is unfortunate that she had to endure that.

This commenter has a great suggestion.

Here is someone with Jewish heritage who says what they did was not ok.

This commenter says they are racists.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who finally blew up after years of being treated as the second-best sibling.

She wouldn’t be wrong for not going. But they won’t be nice about it.

Their behavior was unacceptable. Now she has to decide how to respond to it.

If she drops out of the wedding at this late hour, the friendship will likely end. Only she can decide if that is a problem.