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When you live with your parents, you owe them a certain amount of respect and understanding.

What would you do if your parents signed you up to volunteer for a big commitment at their church, but you didn’t have the time to do it, so you refused, and now your mother won’t speak with you?

That is the situation that the young woman in this story finds herself in, and she doesn’t know what to do. She feels like she should maintain her boundaries, but also that she wants to get along with her mom.

Personally, I think she needs to hold her ground, or her mom will just keep doing this type of thing. Read through the full story below and see if you agree.

AITA if i set a firm boundary with my mom with regards to being put into community groups?

I (28F) am a professional (board passer) and so is my sibling after me.

These ‘kids’ are too old for their parents to volunteer them for this type of thing.

My mom and dad came home from a church meeting about renewing the community groups. They were tasked to assign tasks to various members who were present at the meeting.

They came home that night and happily told me that they signed me up for the technical committe, which consists of me and my brother without our consent.

Now they are acting as if they did them a favor.

They put us in a working group without us knowing like it was some sort of happy news to us who are already busy with work and life as it is.

I obviously asked why she would do that and why she didn’t ask for our consent to be listed in those kinds of things.

Mom is not happy that she doesn’t want to volunteer.

She immediately answered me angrily that this is her asking us for our consent. Like she just didn’t up and loudly said that she listed us.

I mean I would not mind helping a little bit here and there for our chapel but that is thankless work and no compensation too because it is expected with these church groups.

She then asked me again if I was unwilling to be in the group. I firmly said no. then she went off on me.

Mom is really going off on her.

I will list out her verbal lashings against my “No.”

• I am a prideful and boastful human being who can’t share her talent towards the church (like im not a part of another big project thats currently ongoing for almost two years now)
• That I am selfish for not going along.
• That god will take back my talent if I will not give it back to our church.

She just won’t let it go.

These are the point she kept on repeating again and again in different ways last night.

I just ignored her, cuz its quite normal but I think she kind of took it so far this time. She ignored me and didn’t talk to me the whole morning. I dunno if I soured the mood or what but its just me she has like a vendetta against for me saying no to her last night.

This may have to do with culture.

My dad just said one sentence last night ” I told you she would react like that” to my mom. And the verbal lashings ended there like they both kind of expected me to just lay down and be listed in groups I didnt consent to.

For context, yes we are a Filipino family, yes I live with our family still its common here, and yes I am not a useless weight at home, I do share their burdens with food, groceries and bills.

Learning to establish boundaries is very important.

So idk why they think I’m still a child that they can order around and say yes whenever I need to.

I am also a recovering people pleaser who recently just learned to say no in various situations.

It is time that she look for another place to live.

And this time it seemed like I’m in a dilemma because I want my mom to talk to me again without shouting nor being invalidated off of my feelings for standing my ground.. IDK what to do.

She might be guilt tripping me with words for the next few days. I might act unbothered, but sometimes her words do get to me.

She should not have to get used to this type of treatment.

I might say I’m used to them even if I learn how to ignore them they will linger and fester in my mind for a long time.

AITA?

It is good that she stood up for herself and refused to be volunteered for a major commitment like this. Mom will eventually get over it.

Check out what the people in the comments have to say about this difficult situation.

Even her dad agrees with her. Mom is just embarrassed.

Mom should have never volunteered her.

It is her life, not her Mom’s.

This commenter says Mom was out of line.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a girl who thinks her family is doing too much in criticizing the tidiness in her small space.
She is an adult and needs to be treated like one.

Creating and maintaining boundaries is difficult, but very important. Mom should never have volunteered her adult daughter without talking to her.

It does seem like it is time for this young lady to move out on her own, though.