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Family visits can become emotionally loaded when one person keeps promising to come, yet somehow always finds another trip worth taking.

One sibling watches her brother repeatedly skip visits home, so when excuses keep piling up, would you confront him or finally stop asking?

The family was wondering whether distance, money, or something unspoken explains why seeing them never seems to happen.

Let’s see how this one played out.

WIBTA if I told my brother to just admit he doesn’t want to come visit us?

My brother (33 M) lives across the country near my sister-in-law’s family with my niece (6 F) and nephew (1 M).

SIL’s family is upper middle class, mine is closer to the poverty line, my mom and I would be homeless if it wasn’t for grandma (mom’s mom) taking us in (I promise this has relevance).

So let’s meet the brother:

Ever since my brother moved to be with SIL, he has only come to visit us twice: once to meet her, second time to show off my then 6 month old niece.

Our grandma really wants to meet my niece, now that she has any idea what’s going on, and nephew, but she’s afraid of flying due to her not being able to get around much due to her age.

We thought that the best decision would be for them to come visit us.

But his hypothetical flight is in an eternal holding pattern.

Now, every time we try to talk my brother into coming to visit us for holidays or birthdays, or even just because we can’t afford to fly out and see them but once every couple years (which we have done multiple times), he comes up with some excuse as to why they can’t come here.

Either he’s working on it, then doesn’t follow up about it, or bills were piling up and he had to spend the money on that.

I’d accept that money is tight and flying with two kids under the age of 10 is hard, if it weren’t for two things:

1- Mom has offered to pay for their tickets to come visit, despite him making more money per year than mom and I combined, and

2- They’ve flown to Florida and Mexico for vacation more times than I’ve even been near my local airport.

He also asks for gas or lunch money from my mom and sends baby pics as a reward (reward in my opinion, no idea what else to call it).

He’s tried to coax out the truth.

I’ve asked him before to just say he doesn’t want to pay us a visit.

I told him that I totally get it, I’m actively trying to get out of my state, too.

He’s told me “No, I want to come visit you guys but things keep popping up.”

That conversation was easily a year or two ago and nothing has changed, and now I’m more frustrated about it than ever.

Promises keep getting broken.

He told mom that they’d come visit us when he gets his tax return this year.

Well, his tax return hit and they’re going to Orlando.

Mom just says she’s gonna kill him, but obviously she’s just disappointed and not trying to let it show.

I’m also very disappointed, because I love my brother and his family, and I was looking forward to showing them some cool things that we’ve got here (also spoiling the **** out of my niece and nephew).

I wish he would just come out and say what he means instead of stringing us along; that he doesn’t want to come back here.

Would I be the [jerk] if I confronted him about this?

Let’s check in with the comments:

People basically said “there’s just no point.”

Some laid it on kinda thick.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a grandson who is tired of driving 5 hours one way to work on his grandparent’s investment property for free.

Or told grandma to get over it.

The brother repeatedly talked about visiting, just literally never made it happen.

Wanting an honest explanation was understandable, but confronting him could easily turn curiosity into pressure over how he spends his time.

Readers split sharply, with some supporting a calm conversation and others arguing his continued absence was already an answer.

Sometimes the clearest RSVP is the one somebody keeps forgetting to send.