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Moving in with a boyfriend or a girlfriend can get tricky especially if one person owns the house and the other person doesn’t. If you live with a significant other in their home, they are essentially becoming your landlord. That can make the relationship kind of complicated.

If you moved in with your partner while they were renovating their home, would you help them with the renovations, or would you just live there and pay rent?

In this story, one woman is in this situation. She is happy to help with some things like painting or moving furniture, but she refuses to invest any of her money in his renovation projects. He’s pretty upset about that.

Is her boyfriend expecting too much, or is she making the right decision?

Let’s read the whole story to decide.

AIO: my (30F) boyfriend (35M) expects me to pay for renovations on his home?

My (30F) boyfriend (35M) and I have been dating for a little under two years.

I recently ended the lease on my apartment in order to move into his house, which is essentially an “ugly house” that he’s in the process of renovating and then either selling or renting.

When I moved in with him, our agreement was that I would pay rent (half the mortgage) + half the utilities, which I believe is generous given the fact that the house is in really rough shape (i.e. we just have bath tub and no shower because the plumbing is being worked on; there aren’t any kitchen appliances aside from a microwave; there’s no heat/AC).

Also, let’s be honest, I’d be paying the same if not more in rent if I still lived on my own.

The right attitude can make a big difference.

I’ve been treating this like a fun, extended “glamping” trip and it honestly hasn’t been so bad!

We have a neat little system of space heaters going (and we live in the south, so it doesn’t get super cold anyway) and I’ve been able to get quite creative with the microwave and hotplate.

I’ve noticed that my boyfriend has been getting more and more tense, though, and this recently all blew up when he told me that he feels like I’m not “noticing things and helping out,” specifically when it comes to renovations.

Her boyfriend is expecting too much.

I’m really good about keeping things clean and tidying up, but there’s only so much that can be done when large portions of the house are essentially construction zones.

I would also need equipment (and therefore money) to complete the vast majority of renovations outside of basic painting, and I don’t feel comfortable putting my resources into a home that I have no equity in.

I explained this to him (and also explained that our original agreement was that I was coming to live here to help out financially by paying rent and just being emotionally supportive, which I have been).

None of this is good enough, apparently, and now I’m at a loss.

She shouldn’t be expected to spend her money on renovations for a home she doesn’t own.

He told me that I waste my money on books, clothes, and other “frivolous” things and that it upsets him that I don’t think to offer to help out and pay for things here and there pertaining to renovations.

Again, though, this wasn’t our agreement, and I think I’m allowed to spend my money how I please.

Now I feel like a lazy, horrible partner for not contributing more, but I’m quite exhausted most days from working/cooking/keeping myself healthy.

I have painted a little and will always pitch in when my boyfriend asks for help moving things from one area to another, but that’s about all the “labor” I’ve provided in the two months I’ve lived here.

She’s not going to back down.

Should I be doing more? Am I totally nutso for thinking this situation is unfair and unreasonable?

I don’t want resentment to build over this, but seriously, I’m not budging. I’m not contributing financially to renovations on a house I don’t own.

(Additional context: My boyfriend works for himself and makes good money and essentially stockpiled a ton in savings so that he could stop working and focus all his time/energy on renovating the house. Renovations are moving very, very slowly though. I currently work full time).

Maybe she should move out. She’s already dealing with a lot agreeing to live in a construction zone. He’s basically her landlord. If this were an apartment, she wouldn’t be expected to pay for renovations. It’s his project. She’s just living there.

Let’s see what Reddit suggests.

This person thinks she’s right and her boyfriend’s wrong.

Exactly. Her boyfriend is basically her landlord.

This person thinks there are two reasons her boyfriend might be saying these things, and neither reason makes it okay.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a teenager who wants to work, but his mom thinks working past 8pm is too late for high school.

Nobody is on her boyfriend’s side.

Her boyfriend is basically her landlord. A tenant doesn’t pay for home renovations. It’s as simple as that.

If she wants to help him out just because, that’s one thing, but it shouldn’t be expected. She’s doing enough by paying rent and helping with things she can do for free, like painting (assuming he buys the paint) and moving furniture.

Her boyfriend is expecting way too much.