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Committing to a family weekend doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing to every detail of the itinerary—especially when nobody asked you about those details in the first place.
One dad happily agreed to join his girlfriend’s family for a three-hour-away birthday getaway honoring her mother. The problem? His girlfriend booked the trip without consulting him about the dates, location or schedule, and apparently assumed he’d make the drive Thursday night.
OP would rather play his regularly scheduled hockey game, get a good night’s sleep and drive up Friday morning with his 4-year-old son. He says they’ll still arrive before lunch and have nearly the entire weekend with the family. His girlfriend, however, sees the later arrival as proof that he doesn’t prioritize her or the people she loves.
AITA for showing up a little late for my GFs mother’s birthday weekend.
Background: I’ve (41m) been with my girlfriend (41f) for going on 3 years. We live together and I have 50% custody of my son from a previous marriage.
For the upcoming holiday weekend, she booked an AirBnB in another town about 3 hours from where we live. She has has invited her parents, her brother and sister in law (and their 3 kids). She did this with no input from me at all regarding scheduling, location, AirBnB selection, etc.
She invited me and I said I would be there, it sounds like a fun family weekend and I like her family. We’ve been busy lately, other travel, work, building a home, custody issues, etc. I have had time to even think about this weekend.
What could go wrong?
She finally started making plans week of the trip and I mentioned i have a beer league hockey game Thursday night I didnt want to miss.
Ive already missed several games this season bc of travel, her birthday, etc. I said I would drive up Friday at lunch time. I work Thursday but have the day off Friday.
She absolutely flips out on me and says I dont care about her, her family, etc.
Uh oh.
Sure – Id like to make my hockey game, but there are other factors. Im not excited about working all day, picking my son up from his mom, and driving another 3 hours after dark to a strange home 3 hours away and immediately have to deal with bedtime with my 4 year old son. I explained this to her and she doesnt care.
I probably sound like an a***** who doesnt want to miss a stupid hockey game for his girlfriend, but in my defense, I play hockey EVERY Thursday. She knows this. In fact, It was her idea I move to Thursday league so that I have more tome to spend with my son on Sundays when I used to play.
The league schedule has been our for months- well before she plans this trip without discussing with me. Additionally ive missed several games, including 2 weeks ago when we traveled to Ireland with her family to attend a wedding of her mom’s best friend who i had never met.
That doesn’t seem fair.
But honestly hockey is only 1 reason. Arriving to an AirBnB after dark with my son after working all day, and driving 3 hours sounds miserable. Then I have to immediately figure out bedtime with him in a strange place. The other 3 kids will be fast asleep so I dont see the reason to arrive so late on Thursday.
My suggestion was to leave first thing Friday morning. She could drive separately and ill meet them up there. I can literally be there before lunchtime. My son would have all day to adjust and play before bedtime. Not to mention I wouldn’t have to miss another hockey game ive already paid for. Seems like a no trainer.
Am I the a******?
Commenters largely sided with OP and landed on NTA, arguing that arriving Friday morning hardly amounts to skipping the birthday weekend.
The biggest issue for readers was that OP’s girlfriend planned the trip without discussing the schedule with him and then became angry when his existing plans didn’t perfectly fit hers. Commenters noted that she already knew he plays hockey every Thursday—and had actually encouraged him to move to that league so Sundays could remain open for his son.
Many also felt OP had perfectly reasonable parenting considerations beyond the hockey game. Working all day, picking up a 4-year-old and then driving three hours in the dark just to arrive around bedtime sounded unnecessarily miserable when they could leave rested the following morning and still be there before lunch.
Some commenters understood why his girlfriend might be disappointed that he wouldn’t arrive with her, particularly because the weekend was celebrating her mother’s birthday. But disappointment wasn’t the same as accusing him of not caring about her family, especially considering OP had recently traveled to Ireland for a wedding connected to that same family and had already missed several hockey games for other commitments.
Ultimately, readers felt compromise works both ways. OP wasn’t refusing to attend or prioritizing hockey over the entire celebration—he was proposing a slightly later arrival after being handed plans he had no role in making.
This person says this isn’t a big deal and OP is NTA.
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Missing one night of a weekend you weren’t consulted about isn’t exactly icing Grandma out for beer league hockey.