Shutterstock

Imagine buying a fixer upper and doing a lot of hard work renovating the place both inside and out. What would you do if your spouse made a comment that led others to believe that they were actually the one who did all the hard work and not you?

I know I’d be upset!

In this story, one woman is in that exact situation, and she’s really mad at her husband. She feels like he’s trying to make himself look good in front of other men by leading them to believe that he did all the work, but in reality, she was the one who did everything while he sat back with his feet up.

She’s wondering if she’s right to be upset or if she’s really overreacting.

Let’s read all about it.

AIO that I’m upset because my husband took credit for a retaining wall I built

Today my husband had a contractor over her to look at shoring up our hill and building some stairs.

The contractor commented on the good quality of 20’x3’ retaining wall that’s already there but mentioned that if it didn’t have a concrete base and 4” of gravel below it would fall down in a couple years.

I smiled and said no worries it has those. I built them.

The contractor looked surprised. I’m a 41-yr-old working mom of 3, and I don’t exactly look like a contractor.

She thinks the contractor misunderstood.

He said, but I don’t know how you got all those concrete blocks and bags of materials up the hill (the area of the retaining wall is up a pretty steep climb).

My husband was there and he sort of snort-laughed and said “because she had me to help her!”

And the contractor and his 2 helpers laughed and nodded like they understood.

Of course they took that to mean he did all the work!

She really has done all of the work.

The thing is—we bought this fixer-upper on a unstable hill because by husband wanted to be Mr. Fixit but after we got here it was all too much for him and he couldn’t even look at anything that needed reno.

I have been divorced before, lost everything, and didn’t want to lose this investment as well so I adjusted by learning how to fix things.

It’s not that hard, now that you have YouTube!

And my legs and arms have been getting a great workout even while my gym membership languishes.

Her husband only helped a little.

When my husband has (rarely) felt up to it, I’ve asked him to help me carry some concrete blocks up the hill.

He’s carried 4-5 of the 30 or so. He also carried up one of my 2 – 94lb bags of mortar up there.

I carried the other.

I guess that was what he meant.

All she wants is credit for her hard work.

I’m 130 lbs, he’s 6’3 and 230.

I’ve spent countless hours in the sun digging trenches, pouring gravel, building concrete forms, carrying bucket after bucket of water to mix concrete and then afterwards mortar when I was laying the blocks, all alone or with my kids “helping” me for fun while he is inside relaxing.

I get right away that he is embarrassed about all I’m doing (this isn’t the only project) and he needs to validate himself in front of some men, but this takes away from me, no?

I thought I was being an awesome wife by learning to do stuff myself instead of asking for help, and asking for help from him only when I know it’s very limited or an area that he’s really good at then complimenting him a lot on his contribution (I do this).

She would never take credit for her husband’s work.

But this bothers me.

He loves cooking, but I can’t imagine taking credit when I help him chop a couple beans before a meal and he does the rest.

All I ever do is compliment him.

This really bothers me. And it’s not the first time.

He took credit once before.

I renovated our bathroom (demo, new cement board walls, waterproof, drywall other areas, tile walls and floor, baseboards) and he made a similar comment to the plumber based on the fact that he spent 1-2 hours securing the screws for the alcoves I built.

I never try to embarrass him, but I’ve worked 2 hard for this implication that he really did it for me.

AIO?

This would bother me too. All her husband would have to say is something like,  “She’s amazing, isn’t she?” She’d feel great. The contractors would be impressed. Instead, he wants to boost his own ego at her expense.

Let’s see how Reddit responded to this situation.

I like this idea!

This is probably true.

This person tells her what to focus on and seems to suggest divorce.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a friend who is upset they missed out on cheap festival passes due to her pal’s indecision.

This person would’ve corrected him.

I think it might be too soon to jump to divorce especially if she hasn’t even told her husband that these comments upset her. If he can’t understand her perspective and keeps insisting on taking credit for her hard work, marriage counseling would be the logical next step.

It would be better if her husband didn’t say anything at all. He clearly has a fragile ego if he feels the need to take credit for his wife’s hard work. If he wants to take credit for something, he needs to step up and take on a project of his own.