Shutterstock

Family visits get tricky when one person loves planning, and another seems perfectly comfortable deciding everything at the last minute.

One mother gives her adult daughters a month of notice, but when one still will not commit, would you keep waiting or fill the calendar?

What she calls “catering” starts sounding different once the daughter’s busy household and her own need for structure collide.

See why this scheduling complaint turned into a much bigger debate about expectations.

AITA because I’m tired of catering to one daughter?

Every time my husband and I make plans to visit our adult girls (two, both married with grandkids and a 4-hour flight away), I never get a response from one for days.

The other has her response for us to do things with the grandkids within a day.

She’s grown increasingly unhappy with her daughter’s lack of responsiveness.

Thirty days should be enough notice if we can visit, and there’s other family we visit with also.

Seven days before the trip and still just lame excuses with no definite dates.

She begins to feel like it’s not a big deal to anyone else but her.

My husband, on the other hand, acts like planning makes no difference and just wants to go with the flow.

But I like some idea of where and when to visit… just over feeling rushed for the last-minute “well, if you can make it” plans, because then I look like the bad guy if we can’t break other family plans to see the grandkids.

It’s always been hard to get everyone together, and she begins to resent that.

It’s hard for large get-togethers because of work schedules.

AITA for being just totally over catering to this daughter?

She may blame her daughter’s disorganization, but what about her own inflexibility?

What did Reddit have to say?

Maybe the daughter isn’t the one in the wrong here.

This commenter offers some valid counterpoints.

Someone’s catering alright, but it’s not the grandmother.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mom who gets fed up with her son not working and puts him in charge of nightly dinners.

This insistence on planning ahead could be driven by something else entirely.

The mother wanted firm plans well ahead of time, but her daughter apparently operates on a much looser schedule.

Instead of treating that mismatch as just a planning difference, she framed it as constantly catering to one child.

A simpler fix would have been setting a response deadline, then calmly making other plans without turning it into a loyalty test.

Key word: “calmly”.