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Friendship can get tricky when money is involved.
Imagine having a friend who has a lot of extra money, but you don’t. Do you think that might cause problems in your friendship, or would you be able to work out any minor disagreements?
In this story, it seems that two close friends are starting to resent each other, and it all has to do with money. Instead of being kind and generous, they are both looking to see how they can benefit from the situation at the other’s expense.
Keep reading for all the details.
AITA for questioning my friend’s little behaviors around money?
This friend of mine is very close and we’ve known each other a long time (both 27 here).
We often clash because we’re both strong personalities raised in very different cultures, so sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s a cultural difference and what’s just rudeness/unkindness.
One big difference is who pays their living expenses.
So, this friend is (to me) a little rude about money.
Her family is pretty well off and very generous, and they pay most of her living expenses.
My family is also pretty well off, but since college I’ve paid for my expenses myself.
Two examples I’d like judgement on to see if I was being greedy or entitled or sensitive:
The first instance involves an Uber.
We were at a dinner one night and were heading home.
We live close to each other, so she asked if I wanted to split a private Uber home, but I said that I couldn’t really afford it (the car was like $50 total, or $25 each) so I’d just take public transport instead.
She said “okay” and bought the Uber for herself at full price and was about to head out.
Here’s where the disagreement comes in.
I asked if I could tag along, since she had the whole car anyway, but she was offended since I was “mooching” off of her: if I didn’t want to split it, I should just take the 1.5 hour ride home on the bus and trains instead.
I felt that this was really unkind as a friend—she was going to pay for the car regardless and had extra seats, but tried to get me to pay for half of it and then refused to share after she bought it anyway.
All with money that isn’t hers anyway.
The second issue involved a book.
The second instance, I was visiting her family’s home when I accidentally damaged a mutual friend’s hardcover book.
I offered to replace it, so I asked what the home’s address was so I could get it shipped (there’s no bookstore nearby).
My friend also had a brand new copy of the same book, and said that she didn’t care if she had a damaged copy. So, mutual friend could just take the undamaged copy, and I could give my friend the money.
I said “oh, so we’ll grab a new one for you when we’re back near a bookstore?”
That’s not what she meant.
And she said “no, I don’t really care about the book, I’ll just take the money.”
I didn’t really want to just give my friend $40 to pocket for herself—I was replacing a specific item, so it felt weird that my friend would step in to essentially profit off of my replacing something for someone else.
I said I’d rather just order a new copy for mutual friend, and my friend got huffy about it and stomped off.
Sorry this is a bit long for kind of petty events, but it’s eating at me. AITA? Am I mooching, or being overly sensitive?
Hmm. The second instance is odd. I wouldn’t want to pay my friend in that situation. I’d rather just buy a new book. The first situation is a little trickier. I can see why her friend thought she was mooching, but I also understand OP’s perspective of the car being practically empty.
Let’s see what Reddit suggests.
This person thinks OP was a mooch when it comes to the Uber.
Another person shares similar thoughts.
Everyone seems to be saying the same thing.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mom who can’t figure out why her babysitter quit after what she thought was a routine question.
But this person shares a different perspective.
It would be nice if these friends were a little bit nicer to each other instead of worrying about every dime. If you were paying for an Uber, and your close friend was going the same direction, why deny them a ride? Are you friends or not?
The book thing is what I have a problem with more. It would be silly to give her friend $40 when she could just buy her other friend a brand new book.
I’m not sure this friendship is going to survive.
