They Shared a Terminal Diagnosis—Then Demanded Their Son Shell Out $11K Every Month

Sarrah Murtaza

22 minutes ago

Pexels/Reddit

Knowing your parents are sick and unwilling to save for their health can often get painful to deal with.

This man shares how his parents expected him to spend a lot on their lifestyle because they were sick.

AITA for refusing to subsidize my parents’ $11k/month senior’s home in one of the fanciest neighborhoods in the city?

I (34M, physician) am an only child. My parents are in their late 60s with serious health issues. My mom has a slow-growing cancer, and my dad has Alzheimer’s (currently mild, still driving and managing day-to-day).

In terms of outlook, we are looking at about 5 years for my mom and 12 years for my dad.

This is where it gets worse…

Right now they are doing okay at home with frozen meals and some cleaning help, but they have said they want to move into a senior residence in about a year.

They have fixated on a specific home in Kerrisdale, Vancouver which is one of the more affluent neighborhoods in the city, if not in all of Canada.

It is about $11,000 CAD per month for a 1bdrm, and that is just independent living, meaning meals, activities, and light housekeeping.

Any actual care like personal support or medication management would be extra. And assisted living or long-term care in the complex would be 2x or 3x as much.

Financially, they have about CAD $8,000 per month in pre-tax income (edit: they pay taxes, copays for drugs/dental, life stuff like cable, clothing, haircuts etc out of this money.

It gets worse…

They also have 2 young dogs. Right now they are about breaking even while paying $2800 in rent), and around CAD $800,000 in assets (they don’t own a home).

So they are not broke and have meaningful resources, but realistically they can’t afford this place long term, especially once they need higher levels of care.

The implied expectation is that I would step in and help cover things after they run out of money.

I could technically afford to help. But this is a potentially decade plus commitment with escalating costs over time. And it would affect my ability to make major life decisions such as where I live, career flexibility, and relationships.

I have suggested more sustainable options that are still good quality, just not ultra premium, but those get dismissed as not good enough. My mom has always been very hard to please. Even when things are objectively good, she tends to focus on what is wrong.

That’s INSANE!

So I worry that even if I do help fund this, it will not actually make her happy, and I will still be taking on a major long term financial burden.

From my perspective:

They are choosing a lifestyle above what their finances comfortably suppor

The current option is not even the level of care they will likely need later on

I am being positioned as the future backstop for an open ended, escalating cost

At the same time, I feel guilty. They are dealing with real health issues, and I can help. Part of me feels like I should want them to have the nicest, easiest environment possible.

He’s in a tricky situation!

But I also feel it’s reasonable to expect them to choose something they can sustain on their own resources, especially when good alternatives exist.

I am not trying to abandon them; I want them to be safe, comfortable, and cared for. I just don’t think I should be responsible for paying for a luxury home in one of the top 2% neighbourhoods in the country, especially when it may not even meet their future needs.

AITA for drawing a line and refusing to subsidize this plan, even if it means they have to go for something less upscale?

YIKES! That sounds like a lot!

Let’s find out what folks on Reddit think about this one.

This user knows 11k a month is a massive amount!