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If you think growing up is hard, try growing up while moving schools halfway through. Of course, it happens – because sometimes families have to move, whether that’s for their parents’ jobs, a better lifestyle or opportunities elsewhere, or to be close to wider family who need them – but of course it’s something that parents consider deeply beforehand, knowing that the upheaval will hugely disrupt their children’s lives.

Because when you’re growing up, the relationships you build with your friends, and the familiarity of your town, your school and your teachers are hugely important in terms. Of course, there are good friends and teachers and schools elsewhere, but the loss of these familiar things to a child can feel catastrophic.

So when the family in this story chose to move for mom’s job, it was a difficult time for everyone. But little did they know, their daughter would thrive in the new environment, with better grades and good friends at her new school too. For the son though, things were very different – to the point that the father started to change his mind about the move.

Read on to find out what happened next.

AITA for calling my wife’s career choice a ‘passion project’ since she doesn’t need to work thanks to my financial position?

My family – consisting of myself (39, male), my wife (38, female), and our two children Alex (15, male) and Marie (16, female) – moved last year because of my wife’s job. Alex has had a rough time since.

He had come out to us and his school mates as gay just a little while before he got the news that we were moving, so it was particularly hard for him.

He had found a solid support system and felt safe where we lived before. That was taken away with this move.

Let’s see how the new place is treating them.

The place we live now, while still in the US, is less accepting. Alex has made a few friends, but despite us being here for a year, he still hasn’t really gotten comfortable here.

Marie, on the other hand, really loves it and has been excelling at this new school thanks to clicking better with her teachers this year.

The move did cause some tension between my wife and I even before we made a decision. I know there’s no easy time to move, but doing so during the transition between middle school and high school (arguably the most awkward time of a person’s life) felt like a cruel punishment for our son to endure.

My wife said it would make things easier for Alex, since he would be starting a new school either way. But I feel like my wife has been very unsympathetic to what our son is going through.

Now, things have changed in a big way for this family – and it’s highlighting their parenting differences.

 A few weeks ago, we found weed in his room.

While I was full prepared to 1. make sure he wasn’t self-medicating in a way that could lead somewhere dangerous and 2. give him the ‘don’t be stupid, don’t drive under the influence and don’t stink up your room anymore’ talk, his mom grounded him for two weeks and took away his phone every afternoon after school.

This cut him off from his friends from his old school, further isolating him during an already hard time.

And now, this husband thinks that things need to change.

This brings us to last week. I finally sat my wife down and told her things weren’t working. We gave it a try for a year, but Alex has consistently expressed his unhappiness and discomfort to us.

I told her it was time to start making plans to go back.

She said that Marie was doing great here and that I always favored Alex as ‘the baby of the family,’ and that we needed to give things more time.

She also said both kids would be off to college soon.

Then, he said something that he would come to regret.

I replied that I wasn’t willing to let my son live in discomfort for three more years before college. Also, my job and money I had gotten from my grandparents (a trust fund of sorts) more than covers our living expenses and there’s no real NEED for her to work.

I said it was incredibly selfish to put a passion project ahead of her own child, and that being a parent meant sometimes putting our “needs” on the backburner while we do what’s best for them.

She was furious that I called her career a passion project and hasn’t spoken to me since. I’m at a loss how to move forward.

AITA?

Let’s be real, the problem here isn’t really with his son, who he is rightly concerned about.

Rather, it’s much greater than that, regarding his favouritism toward his son over his daughter – since she is actually doing much better here – and the way that he is speaking to his wife.

Because her passion project? It’s clearly something that is very important to her, a woman who wouldn’t be happy just sitting at home relying on her husband’s trust fund.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person took issue with the way he spoke to his wife.

While others pointed out that he was thinking solely of his son, and not his daughter (or wife).

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who refuses to change her 4th of July traditions for her in-laws, sparking a family feud.

Meanwhile, this Redditor extracted the misogynistic undertones.

As a husband, he should be sharing fifty-fifty power with his wife in their relationship. But to ‘sit her down’ and ‘tell her’ that ‘things aren’t working’ suggests a kind of power play, with him implying that what he says goes, that his perspective is correct, and that ultimately, she needs to listen to him now that he has decided they’re moving back home. Really it’s no wonder that his wife is no longer talking to him – and that’s without the awful ‘passion project’ comment.

And as a father, he’s completely right to be concerned about his son, who is obviously having a hard time in his new high school. The timing sucks, that he’d just come out to his friend back home who were totally accepting and supportive of him, and it’s worse that the place they’ve moved to is less accepting. And as for the weed incident? More than anything, these parents need to make sure that they’re on the same page when it comes to punishments and parenting.

But this dad is forgetting one thing. His daughter is thriving here. So why the preference for the son over the daughter? His wife is right, he needs to get his priorities in order.