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Setting a boundary early is supposed to prevent last-minute conflict, but one man discovered that only works if the other person actually listens.
After years of being the go-to babysitter for his sisters’ kids, he gave clear, advance notice, months before an international concert trip, that he wouldn’t be available to watch anyone that particular weekend.
One sister respected it immediately. The other stayed quiet, then later suggested he simply pay for his nieces’ flights if he didn’t want to help. Finally, days before leaving, his sister simply announced she’d be dropping off her kids whether he liked it or not.
Exhausted from a rough stretch involving quitting his job, mental burnout, and an upcoming new job start, he held his ground and declined again.
The following story is a tale about refusing to be guilt-tripped into an obligation you never actually agreed to.
Keep reading for the full story.
AITA for preferring to go bar hopping than babysitting.
I am a 28m. Sister1 (Michelle), 34, and Sister2 (Renee), 31.
In the past, his role has always been one of the default babysitter.
On every family trip we’ve taken together, I’ve gone primarily to help out with the kids. I’ve also watched them whenever my sisters wanted to go out of the country for mini trips.
Lately, though, he’s starting to feel like he’s outgrown this role.
I never used to mind babysitting, but I started a new relationship, so I’m not home most of the time. Plus the kids are getting older and they can’t act out.
So when his sisters planned another trip, he immediately shared his boundaries.
Three months ago, both sisters mentioned they booked an out-of-country concert trip. Knowing how they operate, I immediately told them, “By the way, I won’t be able to babysit. It’s Labor Day weekend, and since I’m in my first relationship, I’ll likely be busy.”
Renee accepted this and is taking her whole crew with her.
The other sister, however.
Michelle stayed quiet and never gave a direct answer, so I kept bringing it up to refresh her memory.
Michelle is now trying to make him feel guilty for standing his ground.
While Michelle was away on a month long trip to the DR with her family, we FaceTime, and she told me, “If you don’t want to babysit, then buy your nieces’ flight tickets.”
I replied, “Hey, I never said I was going to babysit, I’m busy, so that’s not my problem.”
Then Michelle just tried to force him to babysit.
She just got back from her DR trip yesterday and is getting ready to leave for this concert trip in two days. Out of nowhere, she told me, “I’m going to leave the girls (ages 5 and 2) with you and Dad.”
I looked at her and said, “I told you I’m not here this weekend. My boyfriend wants to take me away for the weekend” (which isn’t strictly true, I’m actually just going to stay inside at his apartment and go bar hopping).
Now he’s wondering if he’s wrong for taking such a hard line against this.
AITA for not wanting to babysit? I love my nieces, but they can be a handful, and I just don’t have the capacity for it right now. Especially since I recently quit my job, have been treated poorly by them, mentally exhausted, and I start a new job in a week. I just want a chill weekend before I begin working again.
It’s time for him to start living his own life.
What did Reddit make of all this?
If he relents now, he’ll never be able to escape this role.
His sister’s lack of planning shouldn’t constitute his emergency.
It’s time for Michelle to start doing some of her own parenting.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mom who gets fed up with her son not working and puts him in charge of nightly dinners.
At the end of the day, he isn’t the one who chose to have these children.
Saying yes once, twice, or even three times doesn’t somehow shackle you to an endless agreement.
Regardless, his sister seems to think he works for her now, despite having his own life, his own desires, and his own schedule.
If Michelle truly needs a sitter that badly, she needs to familiarize herself with the local rates and pay up, because that’s the reality of having children in this day and age.
We all know childcare can be difficult, but come on.