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When you become a parent, you become very used to making the rules in your home. After all, when your kids are kids it is you who decides when to have dinner, when bedtimes should be, if and when friends can stay over, what time your teen’s curfew is, etc. Then they fly the nest and they make their own rules, and the cycle goes on.

But what if, like the family in this story, divorce ends up with a mom living with her kid, long after he’s become a grown man, in a house that he part-owns? Who makes the rules then? Sure mom is used to being the matriarch, but now things are different, the property doesn’t belong to her and her son is now a man with his own voice and boundaries in his home.

Let’s be honest, it’s a recipe for frustration and resentment.

Read on to find out what happened here.

AITA for telling my mom I want my sister to let me know when she’s coming over, instead of just showing up to use our pool?

My mom (52, female) and I (21, male) have lived alone with each other for about a year since her divorce from my step-dad.

We then moved into my older brother’s (23, male) house for a few months, moved to an apartment last summer, and finally to our forever home two months ago.

This home was bought by my dad (51, male), my brother, and me, and has our names on the title. But only my mom and I are living there.

The cool thing about the house is that it has a pool, which has been great for my family in escaping the summer heat.

But this pool has been the source of a whole lot of drama.

However, the issue started when my sister (32, female) bought us a pool vacuum (about $500-600). I’m grateful, but it led to her and my mom making a deal that she could come over anytime with my niece and nephews.

I didn’t know about this, so she has been showing up unannounced, catching me off guard.

The final straw was when my mom was out of town, and I was out with my brother. My sister called my brother (who doesn’t live there) to tell him, not to ask, that she was going over to swim and invited him.

This felt disrespectful to me, so I told my brother she should’ve at least informed me.

Let’s see what happened when the family all met again.

When I got home, my brother told her what I said. I explained to her I don’t mind her coming over, what’s a pool for if no one uses it, but I had a problem with her not telling me and instead telling my brother.

She then told me about the deal she made with Mom. I said that’s fine, but asked her to let me know before coming, not to have her ask me for permission, just to give me a heads-up. She agreed.

I told my mom what I asked, and she got mad, saying my sister doesn’t need my permission and has done a lot for us. I clarified I want her to come over, I just want to know when, since she usually comes when my mom isn’t home.

But things did not go smoothly from there.

Then today, while I was home alone, I heard someone trying to open the interior garage door, which scared me. I peeked out and saw no car, not even my sister’s. Then I saw it was my niece and I let her in, and that’s when I saw my sister in the swimming pool.

When my mom got home, I told her again that my sister needs to let me know, not ask for permission, just inform me. She then went off on me, saying they planned this in the morning, and my sister doesn’t need my permission, nor does my mom need it to invite other people over, and she cussed me out.

I tried telling her again, I’m not trying to get her to ask me for permission, I just want to know what’s happening in the house and who’s coming over. My brother got involved and told me off.

Again, I don’t care who comes over, I just want a heads-up so I’m not caught off guard at my own home.

AITA?

As an adult living in their own home – whether that is with other family members or not – this guy is totally entitled to set some boundaries. Sure, those boundaries need to be agreed with his mother who also lives there, but he has good reason for asking for them.

If nothing else, it’s hugely jarring when you hear someone on your property and you weren’t expecting them. But more than that, an adult deserves privacy, not to have people barge in when he’s least expecting them.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person thought he was being totally reasonable by requesting notice that someone was coming by to use the pool.

While others thought that his siblings needed to reflect on how they’d feel in a similar situation.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a brother who doesn’t want to help his sister cover their aging father’s groceries.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought that his mom was overstepping.

Let’s be clear, this guy is not asking for his sister – or anyone else for that matter – to ask permission to come and use the pool. This is incredibly generous in itself, given that he part owns this house which his mom, who seems to be making the rules, does not. Rather, he’s requesting that he have a heads up when folk are coming round to let themselves into his home. In no world is this unacceptable or demanding, he is a grown man who should not be forced to have an open door policy 24/7 in his own home.

It is his mom who is overstepping here. Sure she might be used to having her own home and making all the rules, but she needs to accept that now her kids are grown, they get to make decisions too. None of the siblings had an issue with the heads up until mom got involved, and at some point they all need to come to accept one another as adults – especially if they are going to keep living together like this.

This guy is an adult man now, not a kid. He deserves his privacy.