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For many of us as adults, giving gifts is a key way in which we show our love and appreciation for others. Whether it’s a big blowout birthday gift for someone you care deeply for, or even just picking up a croissant for your work friend when you were at the bakery, giving gifts is a pure and lovely part of being human. In fact, there are many of us who enjoy giving gifts far more than we enjoy receiving them, since they allow us to extend our generosity and show that we care in a very tangible way.

Sometimes though, gift giving can become a little uncomfortable – especially if it becomes a kind of transaction or expectation instead of a spontaneous joy or celebratory treat. And even though she’s only sixteen, this is something that the girl in this story is starting to feel with her best friend. Of course, she enjoys buying gifts for the people she cares about, and admirably doesn’t really mind what she gets in return. But when her best friend started to get demanding when it came to gifts, she started to really notice the lack of gifts coming her way.

Read on to find out what went down here.

AITA for refusing to buy my best friend a birthday present?

One of my closest friends is turning sixteen soon, and for the past month she’s been STRONGLY hinting about gifts she wants for her birthday.

Today, she took it a step further and sent me her entire Amazon wishlist.

The thing is, she hasn’t gotten me a birthday gift for the past three years, even when I invited her to my birthday parties, including my Sweet 16 last year.

The last gift I gave her was for her fourteenth birthday, and she hasn’t really returned the favour since.

And all this has left this friend feeling quite upset.

I’ve honestly never cared about the situation because I value our friendship way more than material presents.

Our birthdays are less than a month apart, and as per usual this year she didn’t get me anything and shortly after started hinting about the things she wanted for HER birthday.

I can’t lie, for the first time, it kind of annoyed me.

Would it be wrong to just ignore the wishlist she’s sent? Should I just purchase a cheap item off the list (I’m a broke high schooler), or actually tell her that this has started to bother me?

AITA?

Listen, friendship is a reciprocal thing. And that doesn’t mean that if one friend spends $50 on a gift the other needs to spend $50 on a gift, but what it does mean is that you can’t insist your best friend buys you a gift when you conveniently never get her anything.

And it’s clear that this girl values the friendship more than a gift, but with her friend being so pushy even if she couldn’t afford a gift she could at least bake her some cookies or plan a girl’s night, or even take her for a walk somewhere that showed thought rather than costing money.

Because her expecting a gift while never doing anything in return shows that this friendship is quite one-sided.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person encouraged her to talk about it with her friend.

While others suggested that she could learn how to manage these tough conversations.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a niece who takes down her aunt’s legacy after she steals her entire inheritance.

Meanwhile, this Redditor explained that sometimes gifts aren’t something that you buy.

It’s clear that these two friends need to have a conversation about their friendship and how gift exchanges are going to look going forward. It’s really lovely that this girl hasn’t cared in the past about having never received a gift, it shows a real level of maturity that for her, friendship is worth a lot more than just giving one another things, and in all other areas perhaps her friend is fulfilling what she needs in a friendship. However, for her buddy this doesn’t quite seem to be the case – maybe her love language is receiving gifts or maybe she sees friendship in a different way, but the pushiness when it comes to a birthday present is becoming quite hypocritical.

If this friendship is going to be sustainable and lasting, as both seem to want it to be, communication is vital to ironing out resentments before they have time to get deeper. This is also an important life skill that it would be good for them both to start working on now. Because if gifts are going to be a thing that they share going forward, then they need to make sure that both of their expectations are aligned, to avoid any further hurt or animosity.