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Sending money to family can get complicated quickly, especially when one person is funding a project from hundreds or thousands of miles away and has to trust somebody else to actually make it happen.

One 36-year-old man knows that dynamic well. After growing up in a working-class family in Eastern Europe, he eventually moved abroad and found a good job. He and his sister now regularly send money home, where their mother lives with their 27-year-old brother.

When the family home’s aging bathroom desperately needed an upgrade, the siblings came up with what sounded like a fair arrangement. The older brother and sister would split the cost, while their younger brother—who doesn’t work and lives in the house—would coordinate the workers and oversee the project.

There was only one condition before the money changed hands: he needed to provide a breakdown of the expenses along with receipts or invoices.

The younger brother agreed and urgently pushed for the money so they wouldn’t lose the workers.

Then the payment arrived, the workers didn’t, and getting those promised receipts suddenly became a much bigger ask.

AITAH for asking for my renovation money back after my brother refused to show me the receipts?

I (36M) was born and raised in a working-class family in Eastern Europe. My dad died when I was 10 and we struggled financially for most of my childhood.

I now live abroad and have a good job, so I help my family when I can. My sister (33F), who also lives abroad, does the same. Our younger brother (27M) still lives with our mom. He doesn’t work and mostly depends on the money my sister and I send home.

I have helped him quite a lot over the years. When he graduated, I paid for him to go to New York. I bought him a laptop and other things. I once tried to help him find a job, but he became extremely angry, insulted me, and stopped speaking to me for six months. He rarely leaves the house and has become very isolated.

Wow, what a good brother.

A few months ago, I suggested renovating the bathroom in our family home. It is very old and in bad condition, and I wanted our mom to finally have a decent bathroom.

My sister and I agreed to split the cost. Our brother’s contribution would be organizing the workers and supervising the renovation because he is the one living there.

Before we sent the money, he kept rushing me. He said the workers were available right now and that if I didn’t act immediately, we would lose them. I told him I was willing to send the money, but I wanted a list of all the expenses and receipts or invoices for everything. He agreed.

Fair enough.

As soon as I sent my half, everything changed. Suddenly he was too busy to answer my calls. First, the workers were coming in a few days. Then it became a few weeks, etc. So far, he has only bought tiles, a sink and a toilet, and all of it is sitting in the garage. No work has started.

I kept asking him for the expense list. Every time he said he would send it later. After I asked again, he completely lost his temper.

He insulted me, accused me of trying to control him and said he couldn’t be bothered to give me a breakdown of the costs. His exact words were “I cannot be bothered to open my laptop for you right now”. According to him, my role was to send the money and then stay out of it.

That’s wild.

At that point, I called the company that supplied the bathroom materials and asked to return everything. I completed the return paperwork and arranged for a transport company to collect the materials because my brother said he would not return them himself.

When I told him, he became furious. He said I had no right to return something he had bought, even though it was bought with the money my sister and I sent specifically for the renovation.

He also said there would be “consequences” if I went through with it.

He asked for it though…

I know returning everything means my mom still won’t have her bathroom renovated, and the materials are already at the house. Part of me wonders if I should have waited longer or tried to find another solution.

But I also don’t trust my brother with the money anymore, especially when he refuses to show us where it went.

AITA for cancelling the renovation and arranging to return everything so we can recover the money?

Commenters largely sided with the older brother, and the issue wasn’t simply that the renovation was taking longer than expected. Delays happen. Workers cancel, schedules change, and home projects have a remarkable ability to become more complicated than anticipated.

Refusing to account for someone else’s money is different.

The younger brother agreed to provide receipts and an expense breakdown before his siblings sent anything. Once he had the funds, he repeatedly delayed doing so before eventually declaring that he “couldn’t be bothered” to open his laptop. That’s a pretty significant change from the urgency he showed when he needed the money transferred.

Returning the materials may unfortunately delay their mother’s new bathroom, but leaving everything as-is doesn’t guarantee she’ll get one either. Right now, some fixtures are sitting in a garage, no construction has started, and the person responsible for managing the project refuses to explain where the money went.

The older siblings can still renovate the bathroom later with a different arrangement. Recovering what they can now simply gives them the opportunity to do that without relying on someone who has already broken the terms they agreed upon.

And the vague warning about “consequences” certainly doesn’t make handing him more control sound like the safer option.

This person says lesson learned…

This person has some jokes.

And this person says OP did the right thing.

If opening a laptop is too much work, supervising an entire bathroom renovation may have been an ambitious assignment.