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Some family responsibilities are too enormous to accept simply because nobody else can carry them.

Here, a woman must decide whether becoming her older brother’s guardian would protect him or consume the life she has left.

That choice carries even more weight because his complex needs have already strained their family for years.

Let’s examine why she’s hesitating.

AITA for refusing to consider being a guardian to my dad’s new stepchild if something happened to him and his wife?

My dad got married last year and his wife has a 4 year old child on the autism spectrum.

For this reason there have been a lot of concerns about what would happen to him if they both passed.

His biological father is not in his life and neither are the biological father’s extended family.

My dad’s ILs are around but none would be willing to take responsibility for him and have all said no to being guardian’s in the event of something happening.

She had a friend who agreed but changed her mind after having another child herself.

None of my dad’s friends were willing either.

That’s a sad state of affairs – but it’s about to get a few new wrinkles.

This led them to me (21f).

I don’t have a close relationship with my dad and hardly know his wife at all.

I met her twice I think and her son once.

I don’t live with them or rely on them financially.

My dad and I might speak once every couple of months if he has something to say and if not it’s like once every six months.

Her dad is taking what seems like a sensible step, but he’s requiring something of her in the process.

My dad told me he’s considering adopting his wife’s son and that it would make him my brother legally then and in that event I should be willing to at least consider it.

But they want me to consider it without the adoption on the table.

I told them I would not be willing and did not have to consider it longer.

My dad’s wife told me she understands I don’t know them well but we could spend more time together and I could see if I would reconsider then.

I told her my life is separate from them and that I have no wish for anything closer.

I told her the time for that passed when I was a child and dad wasn’t around much.

Harsh, but fair?

My dad told me we could end up close down the line and then what.

How would I look at my “brother” and tell him I didn’t want to be there for him if he lost his parents.

I told him it was a good thing I didn’t actually have any brother and that they need to figure out an alternative because even if he adopts his stepson I won’t be his guardian.

He won’t let it go, however.

While dad’s wife has seemingly accepted it he has not and he’s calling me selfish for not considering it at the very least and for not having a good reason to say no outright.

He told me things change and we’re talking about a little boy who would be destroyed by the foster system.

I told him that is not my problem.

AITA?

Let’s see what the comments make of this:

He’s GOT to understand how this is kind of insulting, right?

This is an enormous responsibility.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a friend group that’s split when one roommate backs out of their dream apartment.

This is going nowhere good.

After their father’s death and grandmother’s inability to continue caregiving, OP was asked to become legal guardian for her brother with schizophrenia.

Folks online supported her refusal by stressing that professional care and state guardianship may be better for him better than an overwhelmed, unwilling relative.

Life handed OP the family-responsibility hot potato, except this one arrived thrice baked with court filings, lifelong obligations, and absolutely no oven mitts.