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Being the reliable parent is exhausting enough without also managing the other parent’s relationship with your child.

One mom keeps informing her ex about every milestone, but when his sporadic appearances leave their daughter devastated, would you keep facilitating contact?

Her daughter’s latest heartbreak finally forces her to question whether keeping Dad informed is helping more than it hurts.

Find out why one choir concert became the breaking point.

AITA if I stop facilitating contact between my daughter and her father?

“I (42F) have a wonderful 11-year-old daughter.

She’s in the school choir, and they have concerts regularly at different venues around the city and even the country. Her father, let’s call him Charles (43M), and I separated when she had just turned two.

This guy isn’t helping out…

From that moment on, I was solely responsible for her upbringing and financial support.

My ex would appear in our lives very sporadically, usually bringing a candy or a toy for her, but without taking on the real responsibility of raising her or contributing financially. According to him, he was out of work, but I couldn’t confirm if that was true.

In 2019, he got a job as a security guard and started contributing financially and seeing her more often. However, everything changed in 2023 because he quit his job and could no longer provide either money or time for my daughter.

Hmmm…

It’s now 2025, and in all this time, he hasn’t shown any effort to even visit her, much less pay the mandatory child support. Everything falls on me: school meetings, doctor’s appointments, not to mention clothes, food, and housing, of course.

I’ve asked him to contribute something, but without much luck. Still, I’ve never stopped letting him know about every choir performance or important events in her life, so he wouldn’t miss out on her growing up.

A month ago, my daughter’s choir had a concert downtown, and as always, I let him know. He came to see her and brought her a stuffed animal as a gift. She smiled, hugged him, and that was it.

How sad…

When we got home, my daughter broke down in tears, completely inconsolable, saying that her dad had abandoned her after promising he wouldn’t. And she kept asking me why he did it.

After this, I decided not to inform him anymore about anything happening in my daughter’s life. I discussed it with my therapist and hers.

But other people I’ve confided in and told the whole situation to, think I shouldn’t make that decision because he’s still her father.

But the truth is, I’m tired of being the one who fosters this relationship, since he never asks about her himself.

AITA for stopping my efforts to make him interested in her?”

Let’s see what folks had to say on Reddit.

This person chimed in.

Another Reddit user said she’s NTA.

This individual agreed.

Another person spoke up.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mom who gets fed up with her son not working and puts him in charge of nightly dinners.

And this reader chimed in.

She spent years keeping her ex updated, even though he rarely contributed financially or made much effort to stay involved.

After one brief visit left their daughter sobbing, she decided to stop doing the emotional labor of maintaining his relationship for him.

He can still be Dad, but Mom is officially retiring as his social secretary.