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Family favors can get messy when old sibling dynamics hitch a ride on the holiday plans. A woman pays for her mom’s international visit and carefully plans what she can bring back within the duty-free limit.
Then her brother adds his own request, and a simple bottle of liquor becomes another test of who is expected to compromise.
See how this sibling drama played out.
AITA for pushing back on my brother’s request when I had already made arrangements with our mom?
My (34F) younger brother (31M) and I live abroad in different states of the same country.
He’s a medical resident, I’m a postdoc.
We earn about the same as we are both in the health care field.
He’s the only boy and very much the “golden child” in the eyes of our mom.
This is where things get tricky…
I invited my mom to visit from our home country over a major holiday where we live.
I paid for her round-trip flight and offered to drive her six hours each way so she could also spend time with my brother during her visit.
My husband and child were with me, and we had all been looking forward to celebrating together as a family.
Things seemed great at first…
When we talked about her visit, I asked if she could bring some wine from home, up to the legal duty-free limit.
It’s hard to find and very expensive where I live, and I offered to reimburse her for it.
When my brother found out, he asked her to bring him a specific liquor that’s very easy to find here for the same price as back home.
He didn’t offer to pay, just expected it as a gift.
She was not expecting that…
I asked my mom to say no and explained why: I was paying for the trip, reimbursing her for the wine, and my request was for something I couldn’t get here. His wasn’t.
She pushed back and said she didn’t want to upset him because “he wouldn’t understand.”
I compromised: she could bring him one bottle, and I’d take one less of mine.
Now, for context: in our culture, it’s common for parents to expect financial support from their children, especially as they age.
That’s INSANE!
My mom has always expected more from me, she says it’s because I’m the oldest and married to someone who makes good money. She regularly asks me to send her more money than she asks from my siblings.
Back to the story: even after we agreed on the compromise, she still wanted to talk to him.
As expected, he got angry and called me entitled, saying that just because I paid for her ticket didn’t mean she should only bring things for me.
UH OH…
To keep the peace, I said fine, bring me one less bottle and give him what he wants.
Fast forward to the holiday visit: when we gave him the bottle, he exploded. He accused us of tricking him and claimed we must have bought it after my mom arrived (we didn’t, it was packed from home).
He yelled that I was selfish and had manipulated the whole situation.
She simply wanted to take the lead.
The argument ruined the celebration, and things got so bad that we ended up cutting the visit short and driving back the same day.
Now I’m left wondering: AITA for initially asking my mom not to bring him what he wanted? And is it really my fault that everything escalated?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
YIKES! That sounds exhausting to deal with.
Why don’t they just find a middle ground for this?
Let’s find out what people on Reddit think about this one.
That’s right! This user knows the brother is a baby for ruining everything!
This user knows that this situation is not fair to this girl.
This user can’t wrap their head around such a kid becoming a doctor.
That’s right! This user thinks she should leave the mom and his brother alone.
This user suggests not spending extra money on the mom.
She ultimately gave up part of her own allowance so her brother could get what he wanted, only for him to accuse her of manipulating the situation anyway. The deeper conflict was less about the bottle and more about years of unequal expectations and pressure to keep the peace.
Nothing ruins a family holiday quite like turning duty-free liquor into a loyalty test.