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Having a baby is one of those life events where setting a few boundaries with family can be extremely useful. Maybe you don’t want visitors immediately. Maybe you’d rather not discuss feeding choices. Maybe you’d appreciate everyone waiting to be invited instead of appearing on the doorstep holding a casserole.

Nine pages of instructions, however, is certainly thorough.

One woman says her brother’s girlfriend laid out exactly how she wanted her postpartum period handled shortly before giving birth. The family already felt like they were walking on eggshells around her, so despite privately finding the document excessive, they followed the rules. They gave the new parents space, didn’t offer unsolicited advice and only visited after the woman’s brother repeatedly confirmed that they were welcome.

For several weeks, things seemingly went fine.

Then the new mom shared a post on social media about what makes someone a bad father, and her sister-in-law couldn’t resist leaving one small piece of commentary.

She quickly apologized for it—more than once.

Seven weeks after giving birth, however, the new mom informed her that the damage was considerably bigger than she realized: she’d apparently ruined her postpartum experience.

AITA for ruining my brothers girlfriends postpartum

I (37F) have one brother (33M). We have always been close and he has never, until last year, had a relationship. He met his current GF (32F) and she got pregnant about 2 months into their relationship.

We were all so exited for them. It was very soon after she started getting very opinionated and my family decided we needed to watch what we said around her because she often spoke about how she cut people, who she didn’t agree with, out of her life. So we were careful.

Well about 2 weeks before the baby was born she sent out an 9 page document outlining how her postpartum would go.

Nine…pages?

It was mostly about her needs, but did mention the baby and my brother once or twice. It involved no visitors, no unsolicited advice, we weren’t to ask about delivery, feeding, and more. Overall it was about her listening to her body during this time.

I thought it was a lot, as I have had 5 kids, but I did not question the email. My brother said he didn’t agree with it all, but she was the one having a baby, and I didn’t argue.

Fast forward, baby was born when we were on holiday. They shared pictures. We were happy for them. When we got back from our trip I checked in, I told my brother to let us know when they wanted visitors. I was surprised when he said: come after work tomorrow!

That goes against the Postpartum Bible.

I told him if he changed his mind to let me know. I checked in after work the next day, he said he wanted us to come. We ate our dinner, brought them some, stayed for about 30 mins and left. All seemed great.

Again, fast forward; we have given space. No advice or visits occurred.

Well about 6 weeks later, GF posted online ‘a father doesn’t love his kids if’ followed by a list of reasons.

Alrighty…

This is my downfall. I responded with a ‘I agree, but relationships are two sided, consider changing father to parents’. Well this was a BIG mistake.

She had a full blown meltdown online. Saying I was disgusting for putting family business online.

I hit a nerve.

Clearly.

I then text an apology; it was also not received well. I called my brother to apologize and explain. He said he didn’t understand why she was mad but asked if I could call and apologize again. I did.

I said if I had any more ‘concerns’ that I would talk to her personally, not online. I thought it was over.

I then get a text from saying I have ruined her postpartum (this was about 7 weeks after the baby was born) by adding stress. I apologized again.

…And repeat.

I admit my mistake knew I shouldn’t comment, but I did it anyway, I still believe what I said though; relationships are a two way street involving both people putting in equal work, but I know I should have continued ignoring her wacky ideas and walking on eggshells around her.

I know this and regret it, but still don’t think that one comment warrants ‘ruining postpartum’.

We have a family gathering this weekend. I am dreading it but also looking forward to seeing my niece and brother. AITA for commenting on something she posted publicly and ‘ruining her postpartum’?

Commenters largely sided with the sister-in-law and called her NTA, even if responding to the Facebook post probably wasn’t her wisest decision.

The comment itself wasn’t particularly cruel or inflammatory. The girlfriend publicly posted a list about what makes someone a bad father, and the sister-in-law suggested that relationships involve effort from both parents. Given the family dynamics, she probably should have kept scrolling—but disagreeing with someone on Facebook isn’t automatically an attack on their postpartum experience.

More importantly, she immediately took responsibility when it upset her. She apologized by text, explained herself to her brother, called his girlfriend and apologized again. She even promised to address future concerns privately. There isn’t much more she can reasonably do.

What seems more troubling is how carefully the entire family already feels they have to behave around the girlfriend for fear of being cut off. Healthy boundaries are one thing; requiring everyone around you to avoid disagreement entirely is another.

She can regret leaving the comment without accepting the much larger accusation attached to it. One mildly critical Facebook reply didn’t “ruin” seven weeks of postpartum—and she doesn’t need to keep apologizing as though it did.

This person is…apologetic.

This person says OP did nothing wrong.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a group trip that sours when additional guests are added without agreement.

And this person says it was bound to happen…but at no fault to OP.

If one Facebook comment can undo seven weeks of postpartum, that nine-page rulebook may have needed a troubleshooting section.