Pexels/Reddit

There’s a difference between being inconsiderate and simply trusting that a house full of capable adults could handle an emergency without you standing over their shoulder.

One woman dutifully stayed by her roommate’s side when she fell seriously ill, waiting until her family arrived to handle her care.

So, believing things were well taken care off, she decided to step out to attend her boyfriend’s long-planned birthday celebration.

This turned out to be the completely wrong move in her roommate’s eyes.

So when she returned to the apartment, she was met with her roommate’s screaming boyfriend, then a passive-aggressive text from her roommate about how she had let everyone down.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITA for going to my boyfriend’s birthday instead of staying with my sick roommate ?

I (21F) went to celebrate my boyfriend’s (19M) birthday with him a few days ago.

But soon her roommate fell ill.

However, a few hours before I left, my roommate (30F) was having the WORST period of her life (for context she has endometriosis and PCOS, it gets really bad sometimes) so much so she had to call in her mom and sister to help.

This ended up being a super serious matter.

When her family got here they ended up having to call an ambulance to get her to the hospital. Once her family arrived and they had all left with the EMTs, I also left the house to go out.

She thought things were pretty much handled with her roommate’s care.

When I was at my boyfriend’s place I got a text from my roommate’s boyfriend telling me that he was on a business trip and would be back to walk the dogs (my roommate owns 5 big dogs, we also often keep an eye on her boyfriend’s dog so we have 6 dogs at home most of the time), and he was asking me if I was home and looking after them.

I told him I wasn’t home, but if needed I could get back, that I thought things were okay since her family was over and they had everything all handled, and I hoped she was okay.

He answered very neutrally and we left it at that.

She tried to stay mindful of what her roommate needed during her recovery, but soon she started to feel like everyone was mad at her.

I thought things were a bit weird, so I stayed with my boyfriend for an extra day, time to give my roommate time to recover properly since her boyfriend was over to take care of her. I didn’t really want to be in their way.

I got back home yesterday and everyone was pretty much avoiding and ignoring me. Since I got back home pretty late, I just went back to my room and didn’t get out until the next morning.

Then chaos broke loose.

When I woke up today I ran into her boyfriend in the kitchen, he yelled at me for a solid 10 minutes about how much of an inconsiderate jerkh I am, and then I went back up to my room. I

didn’t make too much of a big deal out of it because he was getting pretty heated (I didn’t want to escalate things) and I figured he was only this way because he got really worried about his girlfriend or something.

Then her roommate chimed in.

At around 6pm today I get a text from my roommate herself telling me that she’s beyond hurt that I left, that it looked like I cared more about my plans than being part of the household, and that I should’ve been home to take care of the dogs instead of her boyfriend having to fly back to do it.

Her roommate was really laying into her.

She also told me that I’m not allowed to have people over anymore because she can no longer trust me (I have a friend that’s supposed to fly over for a week while my roommate’s off to her brother’s wedding.

I was also supposed to babysit her dogs that week, but because she can’t trust me anymore, she decided to pay to get them babysat elsewhere).

The wall of text she sent me felt very passive aggressive, and by the end of it she was subtly telling me to get out of the house. I’m currently staying at my boyfriend’s place.

AITA?

Well that went from 0 to 100 real quick.

Redditors chime in with their thoughts.

This roommate really needs to lower her expectations.

If her roommate really needs all this extra care, she needs to call in a professional.

Communication was severely lacking here.

It’s time to start planning for what might happen if this relationship goes even further south.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a sister with a bad history who found herself staying in a hotel instead of with family.

Nobody should be expected to cancel plans to meet a set of expectations that were never actually said out loud.

When you review the events that unfolded, this woman made a completely reasonable call. she offered to come back when asked, got a neutral response, and used her judgment to avoid intruding on a recovery that clearly wasn’t asking for a fourth or fifth person hovering around.

Trust isn’t something you lose for making a reasonable decision with incomplete information.

No one is perfect, and they shouldn’t be expected to be.