Canva

Can a bridesmaid dress can expose years of buried hurt?

This bride gave seven friends flattering choices.

Her stepsister received the rejects and none of the consideration.

But dropping out due to constant neglect would look petty to the family.

Was it really about fabric?

AITA for dropping out of being my (step)sister’s bridesmaid after she chose an awful dress for me and pretty dresses for her friends?

My (step)sister and I were raised together from toddlers to be sisters, not stepsisters.

Our parents met when I was 20 months old and she was almost 3. My dad had custody of me and her mom had custody of her. We never knew another family, so everyone saw us as siblings and we were treated like we were.

Something I was aware of, even when we were kids, is that she’d call herself an only child and say she had no siblings.

That was mostly a school and with friends thing. She never said it around our family. But I always felt like she didn’t see me as her sibling.

Let’s see how their relationship developed through their lives.

We never had a close relationship, and the other siblings I grew up seeing had good and bad in their relationships. I never knew any that were always distant.

As an adult of course I know not all siblings are close and get along, so maybe I shouldn’t read into it too much – but I often suspected the ‘step’ mattered in why she was that way.

I remember she was always willing to help younger cousins look cute and she’d do makeovers for her friends’ younger siblings – sometimes I’d even hear her say she’d love a little sister. But she never did those things with me. A few times I asked and she started grumbling and I left it.

I had learned to accept we would never be close by the time I reached like 13/14 – which is why I was surprised when she asked me to be her bridesmaid.

Read on to find out how the wedding plans worked out.

I wasn’t asked to be her maid of honor, and I wasn’t her only bridesmaid. She had 8 of us – the others were her friends.

I did notice that I found out everything later than the others about stuff she wanted us to do. I didn’t get invited to look at wedding dresses with the rest of the bridesmaids. But I was included when she went shopping for jewelry for the bridesmaids. We were all there.

Then we had two days of bridesmaid dress shopping. In the first store she liked nothing, but I remember feeling awkward because she had focused more on what she wanted for the others’ dresses – I should mention that we were all going to wear different dresses, and different colors.

Then the second day was successful. Only, I figured out immediately that she was trying the others in these really cute dresses, while I was getting dresses that either did not flatter me and my body or weren’t pretty.

Let’s see how this made the younger sister feel.

The other girls all loved what they were trying on, and I thought all the others looked so nice. But I hated everything she tried on me. And I felt like they got worse on me as we went on.

I did speak up a couple of times because the others did. She listened to them but not me.

I pulled her aside before we finished and asked her if there was anything else she liked for me to try on, because I felt like the other girls had nicer dresses. She told me it wasn’t my wedding and I was meant to do what she wanted.

I told her I understood but she was okay with hearing out the others. She walked away from me and went back to them.

I was texting my boyfriend, and he said the dress wasn’t very flattering on me. Even the lady who was helping us said the dress could be tailored to better fit my body if I wanted to try that.

And for the younger sister, the writing was on the wall.

I saw it as a sign that I wasn’t really wanted, and she was using it as a chance to make me feel less than. So I got changed and went back out to her and said I wasn’t working out as a bridesmaid and she could find someone else.

She didn’t try to stop me, but she went to our family and they were asking why I’d do that and they told me it seemed silly to step down over a dress and that we’re sisters and this is special. I told them it was about more than just the dress, but she was always careful to hide the other stuff from them so now they think I’m in the wrong.

I’m doubting myself now. But I did show some others what she was dressing me in, and everyone says the same thing. And I showed what one of the other bridesmaids posted, and they see what I’m talking about.

My friends and boyfriend believe me about the history between us, but I know our parents think I’m being sensitive and now overreacting.

AITA?

Sure it’s her sister’s wedding day, but she’s just looking for a little bit of empathy and equality with the other bridesmaids.

It’s clear that the older sister has always seen her younger sister as unimportant and a hindrance, so it really makes you wonder why on earth she chose her as a bridesmaid.

Perhaps the family pressure and lack of understanding – or unwillingness to understand – goes both ways here.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit had to say about this.

This person agreed that it is upsetting that the woman’s parents don’t empathise with her situation.

While others pointed out just how unpleasant the older sister’s behavior is.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a brother who doesn’t want to help his sister cover their aging father’s groceries.

Meanwhile, this Redditor suggested a clear way forward.

The bride dismissed OP’s concerns while accommodating every friend, reinforcing a lifelong pattern of selective sisterhood.

OP left because the dress became the final example of exclusion, not the sole reason.

The real bad fit was their relationship.