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Being taken advantage of is something nobody enjoys, but it can happen without intent in some cases.
What would you do if you had more money than your sister, and when you went out with her and her friends for her birthday, she used that fact to make you pay for the entire party?
That is what happened to the brother in this story, so now he doesn’t want to attend her bachelorette party because he doesn’t want to end up having to pay for it, but he is worried that she will be upset.
It won’t be easy, but he really needs to have that awkward conversation with his sister and set some boundaries. Read through the full story below and see what you think he should do.
AITA for skipping my sister’s bachelorette party because I always pay for stuff
I (25M) will be serving as my sister’s (29F) best man at her upcoming wedding.
He doesn’t have to attend if he is not comfortable.
We’ve been quite close for a while and I’m really excited to celebrate her, but I very much so don’t want to attend the bachelorette weekend, and not for the reasons you would expect.
My sister is a lesbian, and many of the people in her bridal party are also queer. In short, there will be men/non-women at this bachelorette party.
Ahh, now I see where some of the problem comes from.
I assumed I wouldn’t attend this sort of thing because I guess I figured brothers don’t usually go to bachelorette parties, but my sister’s friends have been asking me to confirm my attendance, “as sister is counting on it.”
Her friends have planned a trip to Nashville with an Airbnb and plans to hit a few bars. While that sounds awesome to me, I’ve recently felt as though my sister abuses the fact that I have some money saved away.
He doesn’t like wasting money.
I went to business school on a financial-aid scholarship and earned a good job in a big city. I’m by no means rich, but compared to most people from our hometown, I’d say I’m doing well.
With that being said, I lead a simple life. My lifestyle costs are rent, food, phone, transit pass, insurance, and going out with friends. I’m a big saver and put most of my money away into investments.
Was she really joking, though?
My sister also does well and lives somewhere with a much lower cost of living, (85k or so in a small suburban area). I’d note she spends money on experiences more than I do (concerts, trips, fancy food, etc), and is more invested in having nice clothes, appt, car than I, but I’m not one to pocket watch.
The Nashville trip rubs me the wrong way because I came into town to surprise my sister for her birthday and felt taken advantage of. We went out with a bunch of her friends and my sister joked that the night was on me because I am “rich.”
Apparently she was serious. This should count as her birthday gift for the next several years.
Her and her 9 or so friends all drank on my dime, and I genuinely paid like 1.5k after dinner and a late night worth of drinks.
I regret not standing up for myself, but my sister and all of her friends took this to be so natural. Like not even a discussion.
He can’t let himself be taken advantage of like this.
Her friends laughed when I thought my sister was joking because I’m the rich little brother that lives in the big city.
I followed up with my sister about this and got lowkey gaslit about not wanting to treat her for her bday.
To be clear, I would absolutely cover my sisters things on her birthday, but when it’s like 10 people I don’t even know sipping tequila sodas on my tab I feel used.
If he can’t say no to her, he shouldn’t go to the party.
I really love my sister, but I’ve always felt like she can get what she wants out of me. Not even money wise, like she likes to be spoiled and knows I wouldn’t say no if she asked me to fetch her a Diet Coke from the Swiss alps.
Sometimes I feel manipulated, but I’m also aware that I’m one of the people she counts on most in this world. Am I wrong for not wanting to go to a bachelorette party because I fear I’ll be taken advantage of? I love my sister, but I’m not comfortable footing bills just because I technically probably could.
AITA?
He really needs to have an honest conversation with his sister. Whether he attends the party or not, this is the type of thing that will keep going forever if he lets it.
Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about it.
This is really good advice.
Here is someone with a great thing to say.
He really needs to be able to stand up for himself.
Here is a great way to make it clear.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man who deliberately kisses his newborn nephew while sick with a cold, going directly against the parents’ explicit wishes.
This is a great way to say it.
He needs to set some firm boundaries and tell her that she can’t do this again. If she tries, he should just pay his own bill and leave.
It is one thing to pay just for his sister, but to pay for all her friends too is ridiculous.