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When you’re married and live in the same house, it’s important that you both agree before saying yes to visitors staying with you. Yes, this also includes family members.

In this story, a husband agrees to let his dad and stepmom stay with him. The problem is that he had no idea how much his wife dislikes her father-in-law. He knew their relationship wasn’t great, but now, he’s realizing his wife is very upset that her father-in-law is staying at their house.

He’s wondering if he messed up. Keep reading for all the details.

AITA for having my Dad stay here?

I (40m) have been married for 11 years with my wife (42F)

We have 2 Kids (6 & 8).

We live overseas from the rest of my family and dont see them a lot.

When we got married my wife and father got along pretty well. But over time the relationship has deteriorated.

Here’s some more context about his dad.

Dad has been married 21years to a new partner.

Dad is a somewhat difficult to deal with and awkward in some ways and is his new partner is also a unique character.

Over time Dad his partner and my wife have built up baggage in the relationship and can no longer really talk openly. My wife doesn’t really want much to do with them.

She behaves differently when they are around, i get anxious about the relationship and behave differently and as a result my wife and I dont communicate well.

His dad is coming to visit.

Dad mentioned a while ago that he was coming to visit at some point in a few months.

The dates were not great and we suggested they shift to another time because we were waiting to book surgery for my wife around the sane time and didnt want the two to overlap.

But he said that tickets were already booked, he couldnt move it and he would help out looking after my wife if the dates did overlap.

After waiting a month or two for the dates of the surgery, Turns out the dates dont overlap so Dad flies in to stay for four days.

Let’s see how the visit’s going.

During the first couple of days, most things go well but my wife doesnt engage in conversation much stays upstairs most if the time.

I was getting a little bit frustrated by this and she could tell i was frustrated so the tensions starts building.

We got a chance to go out by ourselves for a while and we chatted back over the history and why the baggage is there including, Dad either not telling or not seeing the truth, his temper, his inability to make a clear decision with enough time to plan around, his focus on his new partner, being inflexible, etc etc.

We talk it over agree that there is a lot there and we can get through it just by listening better to each other and her not engaging if she doesnt feel up to it.

But he didn’t realize how much his wife dislikes his dad.

At dinner that night she was wanting to organise a playdate for my daughter and goes into the next room to send me a text message asking me about the playdate and when i tried to make plans then she comes and starts telling me i have given wrong information.

The says she is going to the doctor with a friend which i took as a lie to get her out of house. I was upset with the text messages and the lying and went upstairs and had to talk about it all again.

My wife says that She told me she didnt want them to come and that she just doesnt get listened to and this is all another example of dad and his partners bad behaviour.

I didnt feel like i could turn my father away I had misunderstood the depth and severity of the bad blood between the three of them and thought that my wife was fine provided the actually surgery dates didnt clash. So, AITA?

Yikes! If his wife is right and he doesn’t listen, she may have told him she didn’t want his dad to stay with them. He may have chosen to ignore that request. Either way, I feel bad for his wife. I’m not sure why she’s having surgery, but I would assume an upcoming surgery would be stressful, and having someone you dislike staying in your home would only be more stressful.

Let’s see how Reddit responded.

This person thinks his dad should’ve stayed at a hotel.

Another person thinks the husband messed up.

This person calls the husband selfish.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman whose family says she’s selfish for not wanting strangers living in her trailer.

Everyone is on the wife’s side.

It’s too bad the dad isn’t staying at a hotel, but maybe it’s not too late. If he wants to make things right with his wife, he could book a hotel for his dad.

I feel bad for the wife.