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Family vacations are a lot of fun, but you don’t want to break your budget just to travel.

What would you do if you and your husband got invitations from each of your parents to go on expensive vacations in order to celebrate their respective anniversaries, but you really couldn’t afford to go?

That is what happened to the couple in this story, so they had to turn them both down. Their parents, however, are trying to guilt them into going anyway, which is making them feel bad.

The parents are really out of line here, and this couple needs to establish some boundaries. Read through the full story below and see what you think they should do.

AITA for declining both of our parents’ anniversary trips because we don’t think milestone anniversaries should require $15k vacations?

My husband and I have been together almost 20 years.

This shouldn’t be a competition.

One thing that’s always been true is that both of our families seem to compete with each other over who is the better grandparent, who gives more gifts, who spends more money, and who gets more time with us.

It’s been exhausting enough that we’ve intentionally limited contact with both sides.

Honestly, everyone handles getting older differently.

Recently, both sets of parents have had age-related health issues. Since then, every holiday or family event seems to come with comments like, “This could be our last Christmas,” “our last vacation,” or “our last chance to make memories.”

I understand where that’s coming from, but it also feels like every invitation now comes with guilt attached.

This is an expensive trip.

The current issue started with my husband’s parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. The family decided to celebrate with a week-long cruise.

For my husband, me, and our child, it would cost around $15,000. Everyone else immediately put down deposits.

Unless the parents want to pay for the trip, they don’t get to be upset about this.

We quietly declined. It wasn’t because we don’t love them or don’t want to celebrate. We just can’t justify spending that much on one vacation.

We suggested alternatives like a large anniversary party or family reunion that would let everyone celebrate together without such a huge financial commitment, but those ideas weren’t well received.

Honestly, this is just immature.

A short time later, my parents announced that for their 45th anniversary they wanted everyone to go on an international all-inclusive vacation.

This wasn’t something they’d mentioned before, and the timing made it feel like they heard about my in-laws’ trip and didn’t want to be outdone.

They should have known that they would decline the invitation.

Their trip would cost less than the cruise, but it’s still a significant expense. We declined that one too for the exact same reason.

We don’t think it makes sense to spend that kind of money on back-to-back family vacations, regardless of which side is asking.

If they don’t have the money to comfortably do this, then they shouldn’t do it.

Now both families think we’re selfish, don’t value family, and will regret not making these memories if someone dies.

We do understand our parents are getting older, and we genuinely sympathize with that. But it feels like we’re being pressured to spend tens of thousands of dollars because of guilt and fear rather than because it’s something we’d actually choose to do.

They want to celebrate with the family, but not so extravagantly.

We aren’t refusing to celebrate. We just don’t think milestone anniversaries should come with the expectation that everyone else pays for luxury vacations when there are plenty of meaningful, less expensive ways to celebrate.

Are we wrong for declining both anniversary trips and suggesting that milestone anniversaries could be celebrated in less expensive ways instead of expecting everyone to pay for luxury vacations?

It would be one thing if the parents were offering to pay for the full trip, but not if they have to pay for it themselves. Honestly, even if the trip were paid for, it still requires the use of vacation time, planning, and lots of other effort.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this situation.

This is how it should go.

The happy couple should enjoy their own anniversary trip.

This is excellent advice.

When someone wants you on vacation, they should pay for it.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who moved her mom in after her dad passed, but doesn’t want to fill the role of a spouse.

This is what I expected as well.

If they want them on vacation, they can pay for them to go. Pressuring someone to spend money that they don’t (comfortably) have is just mean.

It is time to set some firm boundaries and explain that these trips are just not going to happen.