Canva

Being introduced to a partner’s family can feel stressful enough, but actually becoming part of that family can take some real adjustment. Because no matter how alike you are, or how much you all love one another, it’s usual that you might have grown up differently, and another person’s family traditions can feel confusing or even oppressive to someone who hasn’t grown up with them. On the counter, you might find that your partner’s family is everything you ever wanted and being part of their family events is a dream come true – and if that’s the case, you have one or two blessings waiting to be counted.

The woman in this story loves her fiancé and is totally fine with being part of his family. But the problem is, the Thanksgiving traditions that were formed when he was single aren’t really working for her. It’s all too intense, and it lasts a very long time – and worst of all, the long weekend of action is all held in her home. So she wonders whether, every once in a while, someone else can host instead. But that innocent question, it turned out, was a mistake.

Read on to find out why.

AITA for asking that my fiancé’s family rotate who hosts Thanksgiving?

My fiancé and I have lived together for almost two years. Before we got together, he typically hosted Thanksgiving because he was single and didn’t have children.

He and his mom also enjoy cooking together as a way to bond, and his mom doesn’t get along with his older brother’s wife.

We hosted Thanksgiving at our apartment last year, and it was honestly a lot for me. His mom stayed with us for about four days, we paid to have the apartment professionally cleaned, he and his mom essentially took over the kitchen, and we had multiple guests in our home for hours.

By the end of it, Thanksgiving felt more like work than a holiday to me.

Let’s see how this year is working out.

This year, I told my fiancé that I think hosting Thanksgiving should be a shared family responsibility rather than something that automatically falls on us every year.

I asked whether his brother could host this time since their mom is the one traveling from out of town.

There wasn’t a huge argument about it, but I did get pushback. The reasoning was that because his mom doesn’t get along with his sister-in-law, having his brother host isn’t ideal.

I was also told that since his mom isn’t local, it’s logistically easier for my fiancé to host Thanksgiving for the entire family like he has in the past.

Let’s see how she feels about that.

My issue is that this is now our shared home. I pay half the rent, and I feel like my opinion should carry equal weight when it comes to having overnight guests and hosting a large family gathering.

I’m not saying his family shouldn’t celebrate together or that his mom shouldn’t visit. I just don’t think our apartment should automatically be the Thanksgiving location every year because that was the tradition before we became a couple, got engaged and now live together.

The way it’s being framed makes me feel like I’m disrupting a family tradition by asking someone else to host this year.

Am I wrong for asking that Thanksgiving be hosted somewhere else this year?

AITA?

What she’s asking is so far from unreasonable – because she’s right, this is their shared home, and she deserves to have a holiday like everyone else. However, being the one to get in the way of a family tradition is never a comfortable place to be.

It’s nice that her fiancé enjoys cooking with his mom, but who’s to say that this year it can’t be hosted at her house instead?

The costs of hosting are enormous – both financially and mentally, and there’s nothing wrong with someone else taking that on every other year or so.

Let’s see what the Reddit community made of this.

This person thought this wasn’t a good sign for her relationship with the mom either.

While others thought that if the tradition was so important, they could at least find a compromise.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about siblings who don’t think they should have to give up their own sports’ seasons to help with their younger siblings.

Meanwhile, this Redditor believed that there were ways that she could make this tolerable for herself.

One thing that is important to recognise is that their home is now this woman’s space too. And it’s vitally important that you feel safe and secure in your own home, which means being able to rest and recharge as well as relax. And the issue here isn’t that she doesn’t want to host Thanksgiving at all – that is quite clear. After all, she isn’t having to cook or clean. It’s the fact that it’s a four-day event that disrupts everything in her life.

There is no issue, really, with a one-day Thanksgiving event. It’s the fact that for four days her house needs to be spotless, there are guests to entertain and, presumably, no alone time or time to relax. Add to that the family friction and all the logistics, and something that was a pleasant undertaking for her fiancé feels like a nightmare to her. And that’s not her fault, after all, we’re all different. But being a part of this family seems to mean being a part of this Thanksgiving, so it’s important she communicates with her partner and they make some compromises.