Canva

Helping a struggling friend is generous.

Doing all the struggling for them is exhausting.

This woman provided housing, employment, cleaning, and countless second chances.

Her friend still expected everyone else to manage his life.

Let’s see how this one played out.

AITA for no longer helping my friend?

Hi. For context, I (26F) have known Josh (23M) for 8 years. We met through an online gaming community and are part of a friend group that meets regularly in our city.

We’ve gone on vacations together and helped each other over the years.

Josh lived at home and went to university, while I’ve been financially independent since 19.

Two years ago, his uni housing got bedbugs (third time that year), so I offered him a room in my apartment at a reduced rent, as he was a student supported by his parents.

She tried to help him, but it didn’t end well.

Living together was tough.

He lacked basic life skills.

I tried helping – made chore lists, explained tasks, even let him stay after he was kicked from uni. But he never improved.

I eventually burned out and asked him to move out.

He was upset, mostly due to higher rent costs, but moved. We still kept in touch through our friend group.

She tried to help him financially.

Josh often complains about money.

When we lived together, he never cooked, always ordered food, and now survives on store-bought baguettes, which has affected his health.

I got him a job at my company (I’m a manager), even increased his starting pay by 40% because I believe he has potential and wanted to help.

It’s been 4 months, but little has changed.

The entire friend group tried to help.

He’s been venting to our friends about struggling – trash piling up, missed appointments, money issues, poor health, no dating luck.

The group organized cooking/cleaning sessions at his place. I joined two.

He just watched while we worked.

I realized I can’t keep doing this.

Her friends don’t understand why she won’t help him anymore.

I stepped away from supporting Josh and focused on myself and other friends.

Then I got messages asking why I don’t help anymore, saying Josh admires me and needs guidance.

I explained I already did more than most: 15 months living together, job help, even paid for a cleaner- he couldn’t even find rags for her after living with me for a year.

Some friends called me a jerk.

Working together hasn’t gone well either.

I don’t hate Josh and would be fine with a friendship, but I believe he needs to take responsibility.

He’s also shown poor attendance at work, which I had to address.

He called me a jerk again, accusing me of sabotaging him.

I got petty and told him that if he didn’t rely on strategic incompetence, maybe life – including dating and health – would improve.

She thinks she messed up.

He’s now avoiding me and asked to switch managers.

I feel I messed up by mixing professional and personal issues, and I’m not sure whether to apologise.

She meant well by trying to help him, but living together and then working together both went really poorly. Is she at fault, or does the blame belong to Josh?

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

Josh should be grateful.

She needs to prioritize herself at this point.

Helping him is only enabling him.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a homeowner who doesn’t think their painters should use their water spigot on the job.

Josh needs to take responsibility for himself.

After years of housing, job help, appointments, and cleanup efforts, this woman finally stopped rescuing her friend.

While her frustration was justified, mixing personal criticism into workplace management gave him one legitimate complaint.