We all know intellectually that our parents were children and teenagers and whole individuals before they became mom and dad, but it can be hard to see them as anything else.
Sometimes we get glimpses, though, and these women were stopped in their tracks when they truly saw the girl in their moms for the first time.
We grow old too soon.
“Over the years, I saw pieces of my mom’s life and what it was like before I came into the picture. However, like most kids, I didn’t stop and give it too much thought. It wasn’t until she passed away last year that all those snippets of life came together for me.
While going through her possessions, I found photos, drawings, clothing, and projects from her youth. This was her life as a young girl, teen, and young woman — not just my mom. I think she kept many of these things because they spoke to who she was.
I would give anything to be able to sit down with her and, for each item, ask her to tell me about them.
We grow old too soon; we become smart too late.”
Embrace the youth.
“My mom is an absolute Disney World fan, and I adore that so much about her.
She had a rough childhood, and I feel like her inner child gets so happy every time we go to the park.
I obviously wasn’t around when she was a young girl, but I really want to help my mom embrace the youth she didn’t get to have.”
There’s a person in here.
“I was probably around 9 or 10 years old. We had been arguing about something, and my mom was really upset. She was crying and said, ‘There’s a person in here!’ while pointing to her heart.
I felt so awful and immediately ran over and gave her a huge hug. That moment opened my eyes, and I remember thinking later about how she’s a whole person with thoughts, feelings, emotions, and experiences — not just my mom.”
An eye-opener.
“My mom caught me smoking pot when I was 16, and told me about how she experimented with it as a teenager as well.
It was such an eye-opener for me because as a mother, she’s always been so straight-laced.”
A dream taken away.
“I can’t tell you the exact moment, but I had to be in middle school — around the time when people start asking you what you want to be when you grow up. I realized that my mom had never gotten to do what she dreamed of her entire life.
She wanted to work in the church, but in the South, women in leadership aren’t accepted or recognized as clergy pretty much ever. She was so smart, dedicated, kind, and tolerant. Nobody could’ve filled that role more than her.
When I realized she’d had that dream taken away from her completely, I suddenly saw that she was another girl in the world, literally just trying to make it, and getting s*%t taken from her for no good reason at all.”
She handled it all.
“It was when I was potty-training my first kid. I was 21 when I had him — by that age, my mom had already had three kids, having had her first kid at 16. I was crying and frustrated with the potty training, so I called her.
She just laughed at me and told me to take a breath. She said that no one was forcing me to potty-train him at 2 years old. That if he’s not ready, then it’s okay. I then asked if my oldest brother was ‘ready’ when she started to train him, and she told me that neither of them were ready. It seemed like they were both pissing their pants every day…but one day at a time is all anyone can do.
At that moment, I just pictured myself trying to do anything mom-related at 16!! It hit me that she gave up so much for us. That she was a little girl — a child — when she was thrown into motherhood.”
We grew up together.
“My mom had me at the age of 17. In a sense, we grew up together, which I never fully realized until looking back at my high school graduation pictures.
The one photo that sticks out the most is a picture of her seeing me after the ceremony. It’s not the best quality as it is a candid shot, but you can just feel how proud she was through this picture.
At the moment, I just felt happy that I made it through high school and made my mom proud, but now I KNOW why she was proud. Not only did I graduate, but the person SHE created accomplished something she never got the chance to do.
It’s nice to look back on and just feel good to actually know she was proud of herself that day as well.”
Not Superwoman.
“I found out my mom was just a girl after having my first kid. My whole life, I really thought she was some version of Superwoman.
There was nothing she couldn’t do. I swear, I never saw her use the bathroom, I never saw her shave — yet she had the smoothest skin. She could beat anyone on Chopped or Top Chef, making anything out of nothing.
She was so strong to me. She was a great wife, mom, and friend. She had four kids and seemed to hold it together so well. To me, she was perfect, partly because she hid a lot of her life from us.
It took having my own child for me to see my mom’s humanity, and learn that she went through a lot. I still think she’s amazing for holding it all together, but I wish she gave us access to her life as we got older so she wouldn’t carry so much alone. I started to finally see myself in her. Like, wow, we’re the same.”
How beautiful she is.
“When I was in high school, my mother showed me photos of her childhood. My mother has short, curly hair, and she has never been able to grow it past three inches. In one of the childhood photos, she was wearing a long ponytail that didn’t match the rest of her hair, so I asked why that was.
She replied that it was a clip-on ponytail that she loved so much as a kid because it made her finally feel pretty like other girls. Her eyes welled with tears, and it suddenly occurred to me that my mom is just another girl, like me, comparing her beauty to society’s bare, unimaginative ideas of beauty.
She can’t even see how beautiful she is, just because her hair will never look like a long, thick braid. I am a little haunted now every time I look at her, because I perceive her to be as radiant as the sun, but I know she doesn’t see that.”
She looked so cool.
“I realized my mom was ‘just a girl’ when I saw her in a leather skirt, a small tank top, black tights, and boots. I had to have been about 7 years old and thought she looked so COOL, like the people dancing on MTV.
I asked where she was going, if Dad was going to watch us, and what was going on. She said she was going to see a man sing onstage that she really liked from when she was a teenager (it was Rod Stewart).
That memory of her looking so bada$$ always stuck with me, and when I was older, I brought it up, and she said she couldn’t believe I remembered that. She still has that skirt!
Anyway, we bonded a lot over that and got each other into all kinds of music and artists. My hot mama.”
A beautiful moment.
“I realized my mom was just a girl when I took her to see her idol, Paul Anka, when she was 79 years old. We were driving in the carpool lane, passing everyone on their way home from work, music blasting.
She started laughing and waving as we flew by. When she turned to look at me, she looked 16 years old — happy and giggling — and it felt like being with her when she was a teenager.
It was such a beautiful moment; I’ll never forget how she looked.”
Just a vulnerable girl.
“I love my mother, and I love my father, too. Their relationship has had its ups and downs, but they’re still together. When I was in high school, I found out that before my mom met my dad, she dated a guy for a whole 10 years, and they only broke up because he wouldn’t propose.
I remember feeling heartbroken for my mother and really saw her as a young heartbroken girl for the first time ever. I often wonder if she would have been happier had she married him, and if she ever wishes she married him instead of my dad.
I was able to see her as just a vulnerable girl who had had a whole life unbeknownst to me. She had loved and laughed and flirted, and had big feelings just like other girls.”
What could she have done?
“When my mom talked about losing her college scholarship. She was a minister’s daughter, and her scholarship was taken away when she married my dad, as she was now the responsibility of her husband’s family.
My dad was going to school through the GI Bill, and his family couldn’t afford to support him, let alone his wife. She went the traditional path and worked to help pay the bills until my dad graduated. After that, she became a stay-at-home mom, raised six kids, and was active in the church and community.
Finally, once the kids were grown, she was able to work outside the home as a special needs classroom aide. But what could she have done if she’d gotten her degree?”
Her stories are amazing.
“It was when my mom told me all about how she dropped out of art school to work as a ranch hand in Texas, saved money, spent it all to move to France and live on a boat, and traveled around Europe and the Caribbean until she was in her 40s.
It made me realize and appreciate so much more the woman that my mother is.
Her stories are amazing, BTW. I wish I could have met that girl.”
The light left her eyes.
“The moment she was diagnosed with dementia. I could see the light leave her eyes; I could see her dreams tear apart. The moment it was confirmed, I watched the little girl in my mom become pained with despair.
My mother was the only stable adult I ever had in my life. She was our everything — a single mom, young and pretty, in Miami, raising two kids alone. She did it all, and she did it successfully. She worked her way up the corporate ladder as an immigrant.
She put her kids first, always! She gave up who she was to make sure we had everything we needed AND wanted. She didn’t remarry until well after we kids left the house…”
Just like me.
“I remember my parents going through a really rough time. Seeing my mom cry was very rare (she is a Scorpio through and through).
During this time, I saw her break down for what felt like the first time, and she said to me, ‘I just want my mom.’ It didn’t even dawn on me that she could’ve felt like that — that she could be just like me, looking for her mother during her darkest moments.
It changed the way I saw her forever.”
These are just the sweetest.
Moms are the best. Make sure to give yours a call.