Divorce and custody battles can get ugly, but when you find out one of the children involved isn’t actually yours?
That’s gotta be rough.
OP learned that the baby his wife was pregnant with during their divorce wasn’t his, and though she stayed with that kid’s father for awhile, he’s no longer in the picture.
I (30M) have an 8 year old son with my ex-wife. During her second pregnancy I was still married to and thought the baby was mine. But then I learned she cheated and she had told the other guy that he was the father. I left the marriage and filed for divorce and when ex’s son was born I took a DNA test which proved I was not the father to her younger son. We also did DNA on my son during the divorce. He is my biological son.
The divorce went through. I pay a small amount of child support to even things out at her house, because I earn more than my ex.
Ex was with this other guy for a few months of her son’s life but then he was no longer around.
Now she’s realized that she made a huge mistake and wants him back – doubly so because she’s realized he’s a good father and wants that for her younger son as well as her older.
Once he dropped out of the picture she tried crawling back to me. She said our son was lucky to have me and she’d love a dad for her second son. I told her she better go out and find a good man then and not cheat on him.
She looked shocked and I told her she was delusional if she thought I would trust her again or want to raise her son as my own after what she did. She told me it would be better for the boys to be together always and that with a 4 year age gap they will never know the half stuff if she and I were to work together and raise them as “ours”.
I firmly said no and told her she needed to focus on finding someone else if she wanted to give her son a father figure.
She’s tried begging him, asking him, and even forcing him into taking both kids on his custody time, to the point where OP has tried meeting in neutral place to get her to stop.
Four years on and my ex did not find someone else and she still tries to push her son onto me. I had to bring her back to court to arrange a neutral place for us to do exchanges of our son because when I picked him up from her house, she would have her younger son ready and waiting to come with me.
It became a problem and she refused to stop. So I thought meeting at some location for exchanges would help.
Lately she has ramped up her efforts, using emotional blackmail and putting both boys into terrible situations to try to force OP’s hand.
It worked for a small period of time but then Friday when I was picking my son up for my parenting time, she brought her younger son along and he had a bag packed and waiting to come with me. He walked over with my son and held his arms out like he wanted to be hugged/held and said he was coming too. He looked so happy.
I felt bad because I was not going to bring him. I gently told him to return to his mom. Poor kid looked so confused. I left with my son quickly so no fight could ensue.
Ex started texting me late Friday night and all day yesterday saying I was a dingus and I should have had my heart melt enough to let him come. She said I have proven to be an amazing dad to our son and she just wants the same for her son.
Then she told me our son wanted his brother at my house and I was a jerk for ignoring that too. I spoke to my son yesterday and he never asked for that or said he wanted it.
He did say his mom told him to say he wanted his half brother at my house too and that he wanted me to be his half brother’s daddy. But he didn’t care.
Ex’s words get to me though. Maybe because I know her son doesn’t really have anyone outside my ex and my son, and my son is more into friends than his half brother.
AITA?
He’s starting to feel like the bad guy and is asking Reddit if he might be…
The top comment says the ex is for sure the AH and there’s no way around it.
This person says emotional abuse is going on and he should consult a lawyer.
And this commenter agrees that it’s just not healthy.
Everyone’s heart is breaking for the younger brother, but that’s not OP’s problem.
They also worry her behavior will drive a wedge between the brothers.
Someone needs to stop this woman.
What she’s doing is completely wrong.