Separation, divorce, and co-parenting are touchy issues – and issues that go way beyond the kids for some people.
Everyone knows how hard it can be to get over an ex sometimes, but eventually, we all have to figure out how to move on.
OP was born out of a high school relationship and his parents never married.
I’m (25M) currently the only child of my Dad (43) and Mom (42) as the result of teen pregnancy in high school. They grew up in a small town that very few people get out of and my mom was the quintessential popular girl and my dad the smart guy that should’ve gotten out.
As you can imagine, becoming parents at 17 was not easy for them, but I truly believe they did the best they could.
However their relationship was always challenging, my Mom was happy to stay in her hometown but my Dad had always hoped for more.
We never really became a “normal nuclear family”, Dad never married my Mom, they lived apart, and I never had siblings, all of which is an especially sore point for my mother.
He has a good relationship with both of them.
He’s still an amazing father, I always felt he was there for me, even though some nights I know he was dog-tired he would still patiently teach me physics.
He provided for my Mom and I, doing back-breaking work to now owning his own construction company, dude paid for my college in full.
He told me that any college I could get into, he would sponsor my ambitions.
His father recently married and is expecting a child – OP is 20.
A couple years ago, my Dad met Anne (33F) who use to be my mentor during my college internship, now job.
My Mom has not been handling any of this well, she accused my father of trying to replace her with a new stepmom for me, despite that I was almost 20 at the time when Dad and Anne met.
When Dad and Anne got engaged and married, mom accused Anne of stealing her life. When they moved out of state to their dream home, Mom accused Anne of being a gold digger.
Last month, I found out that Dad & Anne are 4 months pregnant with a girl.
His mother panicked and freaked out as if she expected his father to one day come around and marry her.
Mom found out last week and has been unconsolable. I’m really trying to be empathetic, but her reaction has been so out of proportion, accusing Anne of stealing my inheritance.
I’ve listened to her for the last 4 years, playing armchair therapist for her issues with Dad.
Frustrated, OP told her she needs to find a purpose in life other than his father.
Yesterday I finally hit my limit and told Mom that she really needed to move on from her personal issues with Dad and find a purpose outside of trying to build a life with him because it obviously wasn’t going to happen.
Am I the jerk for being frustrated and saying that to her?
Now he’s wondering if he was too harsh – and Reddit is going to let him know!
The top comment says this is probably what mom needed to hear.
This person thinks 20 years is a long time to hold onto something.
They think his mom needs a real therapist.
And this commenter thinks OP was as kind as possible.
It’s a pretty sad state of affairs as far as mom is concerned.
I hope this mom can realize she needs help.
Otherwise she is going to lose her son, too.
If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.