Family dynamics can get tricky, especially when it comes to caring for elderly relatives.

When an aunt and uncle’s health started to decline, one woman found herself stepping in more often—until she clashed with her husband’s cousin, who seemed content to leave the heavy lifting to others.

Now, the family is divided, and she’s questioning if she went too far.

Let’s get the details and weigh in!

AITA for Yelling at My Husband’s Cousin to Take Care of Her Dad Instead of Expecting Us to Do It?

My mother-in-law Ann (77) and her brother Jim (80) have lived together in Ann’s house for about 12 years.

He is broke and has no lease/rent; she is sole owner and still pays the mortgage.

Jim’s daughter Sue (60) lives 5 hours away and is a retired healthcare worker.

My husband and I live 45 minutes away, work full time, and visit 1-3 times a week.

1-2 years ago, Jim and Ann’s health started to deteriorate.

Jim falls frequently, can’t prepare food or walk more than 20 feet at a time, and can’t hear.

He has backed his car into the closed garage door and left the gas stove on multiple times.

He struggles with the stairs to his bedroom (pulled out the banister twice) and breaks things.

That’s not good.

Jim has asked us to help him with a plan because being in the house is too hard.

For months, we’ve asked Sue to find a safe place for him to go eventually.

Sue visits twice a year, stays with us, and sees Jim a total of three days per year.

She says things are fine and when Jim gets hurt/sick, Medicaid will “put him someplace.”

In June, Jim was hospitalized for two weeks.

Sue didn’t come because she had an adults-only Disney trip. (She goes 3-6 times per year.)

We picked up the slack, Jim was discharged, and things resumed.

That’s not a big responsibility or anything.

Now, Ann has a health crisis.

Sue stayed with Jim because we needed help.

I’m the point person for Sue and other family members, because it’s too much for my husband while he’s at the hospital with his mom.

After two days, Sue asked if she could leave because she missed her adult daughter (23) and pets.

I said not until she helps Jim find a place to move eventually (e.g., weeks/months from now).

She said she didn’t want to and didn’t know how, so I suggested he move in with her temporarily.

We can’t care for both of them anymore because of the time, cost, and level of care.

I said that she should consider how she wants her kids to act when she is Jim’s age.

Boom.

This was a huge fight, and Sue said that she won’t stop Jim from suing us to “stay in his home.”

Jim now says he wants to stay.

In a few days with Sue, Jim: had uncontrollable diarrhea, tracked it all over, and hid his poopy underpants; forgot to turn his car off and left it running in the garage; fell, and the fire department had to get him up.

Sue got Jim LifeAlert and said went home.

She said she’ll monitor him remotely and “she has her own life.”

Wow.

Since Sue left, she has called everyone in the family, saying I yelled at her (true).

Some people sided with her, but I don’t think she told them the truth.

One person accused me of using Sue to provide free nursing for Ann (100% untrue; Ann has care; Jim does not).

Sue says Jim’s care is none of my business because I’m not a “blood relative.”

She ignores the fact that my husband, his brother, and Jim’s brother agree with me.

When her son (35, stays with Jim a lot) agreed with me, his dad and sisters said they’ll never speak to him again.

I feel like I made a hard situation worse.

Am I awful?

The question remains: Should she have been more tactful, or was it time to hold the cousin accountable for her own father’s well-being?

The people of Reddit all agree: she is NOT the AH.

This person says it’s time for APS to get involved.

This person suggests assisted living.

And this person guesses there’s probably some denial going on.

Lesson learned…

When you refuse to step up, don’t be surprised when someone calls you out.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.