There is a difference between equality and equity.

In the former, everything is equal no matter what. In the latter, people get things based on what they need and if they need it.

See why this person’s son is mad at her for not doing what she does for her chronically ill daughter-in-law.

You’ll have to pick a side when you’re done!

AITA for helping for one son and not the other?

I have 2 sons.

Michael is married with 2 kids and Dylan’s wife Laila just had their 3rd kid 4 months ago.

Laila has an autoimmune condition.

She was in remission for 8 years until having her 3rd kid.

Childbirth triggered a severe flare up.

Things keep getting harder for this family.

She’s gotten blood transfusions, is on the maximum dose of 2 very strong medicines, and has a consultation scheduled to get a series of surgeries over the next year and a half.

She is barely strong enough to make the 2 mile drive to the pharmacy.

She can’t cook, take care of the house, work, or do much with the kids.

Dylan has to work and I always planned on lessening my workload so I took an early retirement and I’m staying with Dylan to help take care of Laila and the kids.

We got the kids in part time daycare and during that time I take Laila to appointments, clean, and meal prep.

Then I pick the kids up and help Laila with them in whatever way she needs until Dylan gets home.

Laila’s disability checks aren’t nearly what she used to make so I’ve also been helping out with the bills.

Now her son wants in on this.

Michael called me and asked if I could keep his kids during the day since I already have Dylan’s kids.

I said no because I already have my hands full between Laila, the kids, and the house.

He asked if I could create a schedule, like his kids 2 days a week and Dylan’s 3 days or if I take his kids in the mornings and Dylan’s in the afternoons.

I said no.

Dylan and Laila are going through a crisis.

They need the help with the house and the kids and they don’t have other options that they can afford, since Laila’s family all live overseas.

His wife’s parents are down the street from them and he can afford a babysitter if they need help.

Michael says I need to be fair and treat the grandkids equally.

I can’t make it so Dylan’s kids only go to daycare for 3 hours a day but his kids have to go for 8, on top of saving Dylan and Laila thousands a month in daycare costs.

I still refused to help them out but now he’s refusing to let me see his kids unless I agree to watch the kids either with Dylan’s and Laila’s kids or switch days/shifts.

Now I’m wondering if I was wrong for only helping Dylan.

AITA?

Here is what folks are saying.

That still doesn’t justify expecting the same as what the other family gets and using your kids to blackmail.

Good question, not that it changes much.

As if she doesn’t enough stress to deal with.

It’s very nice.

I wonder why he isn’t helping. Unless he is and grandma left that out.

I hope her daughter-in-law’s condition improves and so does their family.

If not, I don’t see this resolving anytime soon.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.