After a 26-year marriage and a divorce that was settled on good terms, she kept her ex-husband’s last name for practical reasons.
Mostly because of their four kids.
But now that he’s engaged, he and his new fiancé are pushing for her to drop the name, claiming it’s stopping them from moving on.
Read on for the story…
AITA for Refusing to Drop My Ex-Husband’s Last Name?
I (56F) divorced my husband two years ago after 26 years of marriage.
We have four kids, and the split was amicable.
He came out as gay, and we mutually agreed to part ways.
Changing my name wasn’t a priority—updating IDs, legal documents, and bank accounts would be a huge hassle.
I still use his last name on official documents but go by my maiden name socially.
Seems fair, after all that…
Recently, he got engaged to a wonderful guy.
I’ve been supportive of their relationship, but during my grandson’s birthday party, my ex suddenly asked if I’d consider dropping his last name.
His fiancé chimed in, saying it makes him uncomfortable that I still use it.
I was caught off guard and awkwardly joked that unless they want to spend hours in lines at various government offices, I wasn’t going to change it.
My ex didn’t laugh.
He insisted it’s about starting a new chapter and wants me to “move on.”
The whole situation felt bizarre.
For two years, it’s never been an issue, and now they’re ganging up on me?
Two against one isn’t fair!
After the party, my ex called and argued that keeping his name makes it hard for his fiancé to feel like they’re starting a fresh life.
I countered that our kids still use the same name, and it would feel strange for me to be the odd one out.
What really hurt was learning from my youngest son that his fiancé feels threatened by my name, assuming I’m clinging to some claim on my ex.
I’ve made it clear I have zero interest in rekindling anything, but it feels like I’m being pressured to erase a part of my identity.
My ex admitted his fiancé is uncomfortable because he sees me keeping the name as a “power play.”
Oh please.
I feel like I’m caught between trying to keep peace and being forced into something just because his fiancé is insecure.
They want me to go through the hassle of changing everything for their comfort.
I told my ex that I’ll consider it later—maybe after they’re married and settled.
But now he’s furious, saying I’m being petty and selfish.
My friends think I should stand my ground, but my kids are divided—one thinks I should just give in to keep the peace, while the other agrees that it’s ridiculous to change it just because his fiancé feels insecure.
It’s divided for sure.
I’m frustrated.
I don’t see why a name on some legal documents is such a big deal, but they’re making me feel like the villain.
So, AITA for refusing to drop my ex-husband’s last name even though he’s getting remarried?
While some think it’s just a name, others feel the real issue lies with the fiancé’s insecurities.
One thing’s for sure: The people of Reddit are on her side.
This person says the name really doesn’t belong to the ex anymore.
This person things it’s all just bizarre.
This person preaches the same stuff.
Guess someone’s a little too worried about sharing more than just a last name!
She’s the only sensible one here.
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