When you’re in a committed relationship, there’s a certain amount of openness and collaboration that you would expect, in order for the relationship to remain healthy.

For some, that includes joint finances, while for others independent finances are a better option.

However, for the woman in this story, the independent finances she has from her husband seem to be conditional at best.

Read on to find out what financial decision she made, and how it potentially changed her life and relationship forever.

AITA for not telling my husband I spent $22 from my own money?

I am a 27-year-old woman, and am married to my husband, who is 30.

We have two kids.

I’m currently on maternity leave but still receiving my regular income.

Before this, I worked and will return to work once my leave ends.

Throughout our marriage, I’ve always been the one better with finances: budgeting, saving, thinking ahead.

My husband, not so much.

He smokes (spends $100 a month on cigarettes), often grabs coffee with coworkers, and makes random purchases at the store without asking or informing me, and I never demand he does.

Let’s see how this situation became problematic.

A few days ago, I ordered something online for myself that cost $22, using my own account, my own money.

I didn’t think it was a big deal, I never really spend money on myself and hadn’t in months.

It felt like a harmless little thing. I didn’t think much of it.

Later, when my husband asked how much was left on the account, I told him the amount, and he was surprised and asked “wasn’t it more?”

Then I mentioned that I ordered something for $22, and also there was the account maintenance fee.

Read on to find out how her husband responded to her purchase.

His tone changed immediately.

He asked why I didn’t tell him earlier.

I asked why, what’s the problem?

And he was like “well I wanted to order something from that same website for a dollar or two for the car”.

I responded that he never mentioned that, and I just didn’t think about asking him if he wanted something – to me it wasn’t a big deal.

He then asked again why didn’t I tell him.

I was confused and said, “I didn’t think I had to, it’s not a large amount and I haven’t bought anything for myself in forever.”

He replied, “Why are you hiding things from me?”

That hit me hard.

Yikes! Let’s see how she responded to his accusation.

I told him that was a really hurtful thing to say.

I wasn’t hiding anything, and he would’ve seen the package arrive anyway – I can’t hide the stuff once it arrives.

But he doubled down and said, “Well, what else is it if not hiding?”

Then it turned into a whole argument.

I reminded him that he once booked a $90 outing without consulting me and didn’t even tell me the full cost until I asked several times.

But now I’m being accused of hiding something over $22?

When I told him how it made me feel, that it seems like I have to justify every tiny purchase while he never does, he told me, “You’re just making things up. Say something often enough and you start believing it.” That honestly broke me.

Uh-oh. Let’s see how she responded to that.

To make a point, I said I’d set a $30 month “budget” for myself going forward – not because I think I should need one, but just to avoid this ridiculous dynamic.

But I’m angry that I even had to say that.

It’s humiliating that I feel monitored over minor spending from my own account, when he regularly spends way more on non-essentials.

He insists it’s not about the money, but about the “principle” of being informed.

Yet the way he reacted felt like control and lack of trust.

I’ve never lied or hidden anything from him, and it’s exhausting trying to defend myself over something so small when he doesn’t hold himself to the same standard.

AITA?

Wow. This poor woman.

It’s not like she spent twenty-two thousand dollars without telling her husband. It was twenty. two. dollars.

His reaction is both disproportionate and controlling, bordering on financial and emotional abuse.

Let’s see what Reddit had to say about this.

This person pointed out just how unfair her husband was being.

While others called out his toxic behavior.

And this Redditor gave her an onlooker’s point of view.

Regardless of any other contexts, the way that the man spoke to his wife is totally unacceptable.

He needs to change his controlling and abusive approach to his relationship if it is to work out, and understand that his wife is not his possession to control.

She deserves autonomy and independence, as an adult woman, not patronizing, gaslighting, and controlling.

It’s great that she’s woken up to this, as she deserves better.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.