Sometimes grief twists people into mysterious shapes. And we all do our best to go on with life and make the best of our contorted selves.

In this story, a sister keeps her brother’s memory alive by wearing some of his favorite clothes. But her husband doesn’t like this coping mechanism.

Let’s see why he’s giving her more grief.

AITA for wearing my brother’s old shirts when my husband finds it weird?

Last year in December my (34f) younger brother(29m) died in a car crash.

He was my best friend and we were close our entire lives, so I am taking the loss pretty hard. I’m in therapy, I’m showering, I maintain the house, I go out with friends and have hobbies.

I just say that to preface like… I’m not crying on the couch all day long in my brother’s old clothes (except on rare occasions).

Good for you, OP. Hopefully she has a good support network too.

When my brother died, my parents and I divided up all his old stuff. We used to go to a lot of concerts together, so I took a lot of his old band t-shirts.

These have become either my “yard work” clothes or I’ll put one on if I’m having a really hard day.

Awww.

My brother used to do MMA so he had a lot of sweatpants/basketball shorts and I’ve been wearing those to the gym as well because it makes me feel motivated.

It’s the closest I’m going to get to working out with my brother again. I don’t wear his stuff all the time, it’s probably once a week.

Seems reasonable. And sweet. So what’s the problem?

My husband (38m) has always acted a bit odd when I would wear a shirt.

But didn’t say anything, so I tried dialing certain things back like I stopped wearing them to go to sleep and I make sure not to wear them when we’re out in public (other than the gym).

However, this past week he told me he thought it was really weird that I wear my brother’s old clothes. He didn’t ask me to stop but it was kind of… implied?

That’s not super supportive. But maybe he has a reason?

I told him I didn’t see an issue with it because it’s a pretty tame coping mechanism, and that I wasn’t living in those clothes, not showering, not eating etc.

When it first happened I stopped eating and slept all the time, so I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress and shouldn’t have to give up some clothes if they make me feel marginally better.

He wasn’t outright mad but I can tell he’s disappointed and withdrawn whenever I have a shirt on.

Everyone grieves differently, but why would he care?

My friend group is divided with half saying I shouldn’t engage in activities that knowingly bother my husband, and the other half saying he should be happy I’m even going to the gym and what I wear there shouldn’t matter.

AITA?

I say, OP needs to deal how OP needs to deal. Loss is hard and personal.

But what do the comments think?

This person says, OP deserves support.

Another poster is like, have you talked to your therapist?

Someone else says, your husband should walk in your shoes…

Someone else says, your grief is your own.

Another person says, why’s hubby gotta make it weird?

Rock on, sister. And rock those clothes.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.