Being married with young kids and then losing your spouse sounds incredibly difficult. In a situation like that, is it better to remarry to give the kids a new parent or to only marry if you truly find love again?

When this man’s mom died young, his dad remarried fast—hoping to give him and his sister a new maternal figure.

But now, decades later and long divorced, Dad’s asking for validation that it wasn’t all for nothing. Instead, his son told him the truth.

Read on for the story.

AITA for telling my dad he did make a mistake when he remarried to give me and my sister a mom again?

This was a very unexpected talk with my dad that turned into a fight and I’m (28M) here to ask if I’m TA.

Basically my dad told me he had spoken to the wife of one of his closest friends and she had told him he married for all the wrong reasons the second time and it was a big mistake on his part.

He didn’t agree with her and argued with her on the the reasons he married a second time.

Then he went to talk to my sister (24F) who didn’t engage but I did.

Hard not to bite your tongue.

For context, our mom died when we were 3 and 7.

A year later dad was dating again and after 7 months of dating he married his second wife.

His intent was to give us another mom because he felt like we needed one and he also felt like he couldn’t do it alone.

They divorced 9 years ago but they share custody of their two children so she’s not out of his life. Although they are high conflict.

Oh boy.

When my dad came to me he told me about his discussion with his friend’s wife and how he couldn’t get an answer out of my sister. He told me to tell him the wife of his friend had been wrong and he did the right thing, that his decision gave me and my sister a mom again.

Instead of that I told him the truth which is that it was a mistake because she was never our mom and we never needed him to be with someone else for that, that he had been enough for us.

He asked me what two young kids would do without a mom.

And I told him we had a dad. He was still involved in our day to day lives and care so what did he need her for if he didn’t marry her for love?

Oh the complications.

He said he thought we’d loved her and that we’d thrived with a mother’s love. Then he brought up his ex’s anger at him in the latter years and her comments that the three of us never gave a care about her.

He asked me if that’s what she meant and I said probably.

He was saying that wasn’t his fault and he didn’t understand me and the friends wife saying marrying was a mistake.

I said he never really loved her and he only married her to give us a mom and that we never accepted her as our new mom. I pointed out how his ex likely felt that and over time grew more discouraged because it wasn’t just me but my sister too. And he was never very affectionate with her either.

Reality check much?

Then it turned into a fight with dad saying I disrespected his choices by calling them mistakes and that I disrespected him by not trusting the new mother he had chosen for us.

It annoyed me and I told him that. I mentioned how we had a mom and it didn’t look too good in my eyes to act like she could be so easily replaced.

And that’s when we just straight argued about what I said and about his decision and he’s mad that I said it was a mistake.

Maybe that’s me putting too many words in his mouth. But it did fail because his ex is not someone I ever regarded as a mother and I have not seen or spoken to her in a decade.

AITA?

Dad asked for reassurance, but what he got was a reality check.

Redditors sided with the son for refusing to rewrite history just to protect someone else’s ego.

This person says Dad knows he’s wrong but can’t admit it.

This person makes a(n accurate) joke about how he chose his second wife.

And this person says it’s all a no-brainer.

Trying to rewrite your kids’ past doesn’t work when they remember the whole story.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.