Losing a child is one of the worst things imaginable for any parent, and working through that grief can be impossible.

What would you do if you kept your deceased daughter’s room just how it was, but now your family is growing and your wife says that you need the space for the next child?

That is what is happening to the grieving father in this story, and he wonders if he is out of line for wanting to keep that room as a memorial.

AITA forbidding my wife from using my daughters old room

This has been an ongoing argument between my wife and I, but it resulted in a huge argument today and I’m starting to wonder if I’m in the wrong.

I think it’s impossible for someone in my position to see my wife’s point of view fairly so tell me who’s the jerk here.

I’m also not interested in any relationship advice, our marriage is fine, it’s solely this topic/argument that I’m interested in hearing your judgement on.

So, my wife and I have two kids together.

This is absolutely heartbreaking.

But before I met my wife I had a daughter with my now ex-wife. My daughter passed away when she was 7, and the emotional toll of this destroyed my marriage with my ex-wife.

We haven’t said a word to each other in almost a decade and I have no desire to speak with her anyway.

I am sure it would be difficult to change anything in this situation.

I still own the same house as then and I’ve pretty much left my daughters room as it was.

At first it was just because there was no reason to, but now it’s kind of like a memorial in some weird sense?

I can’t really explain the logic behind it because I don’t think there is any. It just doesn’t feel right to change her room.

This has been the cause of the only arguments my wife and I have really had.

So, at least for now, the room isn’t strictly needed.

The house has four bedrooms, so each of our kids have a room, we have a shared room, and then there’s my daughters old room.

My kids know not to go in there and it’s just left there.

Occasionally I will go in there and read a book, or just lie down on her bed. It’s therapeutic in some weird way.

She is being more practical.

My wife has always wanted to change the room.

At first it was because she wanted a study, but I refused and eventually she gave up.

We’re now talking about having a third child and naturally she wants our new kid to have my daughters old room.

Now this is taking it a little too far.

Again I put my foot down and said that wasn’t an option, and that our two older kids can share a room instead.

She really blew up at me and told me she was sick of me holding on to the past. She was sick of me being unable to compromise on this. She was sick of feeling like my deceased daughter came first.

She said a lot of things but I think that basically sums it up.

I’m glad he is starting to realize it.

When she said these things I was really hurt. But I’ve had a few hours to think it over, and I think I might be the unreasonable one here.

It’s not fair to make my kids share a room because I won’t let go of the past. It’s not fair to have a memorial reminds my wife that she wasn’t my first love.

AITA?

No, he is not the AH, but he is wrong. He needs to find a better and more practical way to hold his daughter in his heart. Occupying an entire room is not sustainable, especially with a new baby.

Let’s see what the people in the comments on Reddit have to say about it.

I agree with this commenter.

Yeah, you don’t want the other kids becoming resentful.

Maybe a little harsh, but this commenter is right.

Yup, another type of memorial is more appropriate.

Yeah, I agree with this commenter.

This is an impossible situation, but his wife is right.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.