No one gets married with the expectation of divorce.

Instead you marry with an idealistic optimism, truly believing that this person is the love of your life and you will be together forever.

So if that relationship breaks down, it hurts – and the divorce settlement hurts even more.

That’s what the guy in this story discovered when his sister-in-law’s divorce settlement was finalised.

Read on to find out how his reaction damaged his relationship with his own wife.

AITA for my reaction upon learning details of my sister-in-law’s divorce settlement?

My wife’s sister Ann (39, female), has been married to her husband Barry (40ish) for about 15 years. They have three kids together.

Ann works a high-profile job at an international company. Her job requires her to travel a lot, sometimes for weeks at a time.

Barry works full-time as well but he has a job working from home, which allows him to take care of their kids.

Ann’s job pays well enough that they can pay for stuff like house cleaning and yard care to take some of the load off Barry when Ann is out of town.

But all was not well with the couple.

I’m not incredibly close with Barry, but he’s a good dude and our kids get along great together. He used to bring the kids over to our house all the time to have them play together, but over the past year or so that has happened less and less often.

About four months ago I found out why, as my wife told me that Barry was filing for divorce from Ann.

Last week, Ann came over to our house to visit. My wife asked if I could take the kids out of the house so she and Ann could talk, which I agreed to.

When I got home, Ann was still there and it was clear that their conversation got very emotional. I gave Ann a hug and told her I loved her before she left.

Little did this guy know, this was about to cause some friction in his own marriage too.

My wife filled me in on the details later that night. Apparently, the divorce proceedings were pretty bitter.

I won’t go into the nitty-gritty, but Barry ended up getting primary custody, child support, alimony, and the house.

Ann is in shock, heartbroken, angry, and doesn’t understand how any of this happened.

I told my wife that this is a horrible situation and I feel bad for everyone involved, but that Ann probably shouldn’t be surprised about the outcome considering that she hasn’t been a very present wife or mother due to her job keeping her away from home so often.

Let’s see how his wife responded to that.

This ****** my wife off and she went off on me for “acting like any of this is fair to her sister.” I told her that it’s not about fairness, just that Ann should be able to look in the mirror and admit that Barry has been more present in their kids’ lives than she has.

My wife continued defending Ann by saying that she was working to provide for her family. I agreed with her, but stated that there is a cost to having that kind of job and Ann is paying that price right now.

My wife accused me of taking Barry’s side and I told her that I’m not taking anyone’s side. The whole situation sucks and I feel bad for everyone, especially the kids because they’re innocent in all this.

I told her I would feel the exact same way if the roles were reversed and Barry had a job that kept him from home so much.

But his wife was unwilling to drop this or see things from her husband’s point of view.

My wife again asked me if I think the divorce was “fair” and I told her I just think it sucks and it’s sad.

I told her that I wouldn’t wish that situation on anyone, and that we should be giving all of them love and grace instead of judgement about “fairness.” My wife told me I am being an ******* about this.

I understand my wife has a sibling obligation to look out for her sister but I feel my response was level-headed and not taking sides.

AITA?

He’s right, given the situation it does make total sense for Barry to get the kids – after all, it’s the kids best interests that the court take into account, and they’re used to living with their dad.

The stability of staying living with their dad should be the priority for everyone.

Sure his wife might only see things her sister’s way, but it’s entirely fair for her husband to take this more balanced perspective.

This person agreed that while it was sad, the decision was the right one.

But others pointed out that he would have been better to simply offer support, in this situation.

Meanwhile, this Redditor urged him to be more tactful with his (admittedly reasonable) opinions.

It wasn’t that what he said was wrong – factually he was entirely correct.

But he’s disregarded the emotional level of this situation, the fact that his wife and sister are upset and are looking for his support.

His judgement has been clouded by his objective viewpoint – rather than being the voice of reason, they were just looking for people to vent to.

Sometimes you just need to get things off your chest.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.