Some parents and children are the backbones of one another’s lives. They’re there every day – not just on holidays – and help with everything in a very synergistic way.

Other parents and their kids? Not so much.

For all those who have disappointing parents, or even more seriously, malicious or otherwise unpleasant ones, adulthood brings the freedom to choose who to spend time with.

Sometimes, this means cutting out a parent – or at least going no contact – for the wellbeing of everyone involved. It’s a decision that people who haven’t been in that situation will likely never be able to understand, but for those who make that call, it’s a lifeline.

So when the no-contact father of the woman in this story popped up in her phone, she was left in a state of deep conflict.

Read on to find out what happened.

AITA for not texting my bio dad back?

I am a thirty-year-old woman, and I have not talked to my biological father in almost a year.

He hasn’t tried contacting me and I haven’t tried contacting him.

Why we haven’t spoken is a long story.

But recently, the parameters of their no-contact relationship changed.

Well, he decided to text me today to say happy birthday.

Would I be the ******* if I don’t respond?

Should I keep it on read?

AITA?

It takes some big drama for a child to cut off their parent – and the same for a parent to cut off their child.

Whether or not she should respond is a very personal matter, but if things were so bad that she cut off contact beforehand, there’s likely no reason she has to respond to him now, and could be quite validated in not doing so.

Sure he might be trying to reach out and make amends, but it sounds like this is going to be quite a long road if they choose to follow it.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit thought about this.

This person agreed that she didn’t owe him a response, and should only do so if she wanted to.

However, others suggested that a quick response would keep the peace and put her mind at rest.

Meanwhile, this Redditor explained that a ‘happy birthday’ isn’t everything.

Whether or not she responds, it’s unlikely that her dad’s birthday message is going to repair whatever has happened in their relationship.

It could be some kind of an olive branch, or it could just be him trying to do the bear minimum for her.

Their relationship is broken for a reason, and right now she gets to choose whether or not to respond, with all the implications that a message back might carry.

She has the power here.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.