When you have a job it is your responsibility to show up every day and do your best, but the company should also treat you well.

What would you do if you quit a job because your manager wrote you up after missing one day of work with no warning, but a new job you were applying to called your old manager for a reference?

That is what happened to the woman in this story, and the manager got upset that she was contacted even though she wasn’t listed directly as a reference.

AITAH for putting my ex-manager as an employment reference?

I (F/26) have worked at a connivence store for roughly a year and was promoted to an assistant manager role really early on.

Sounds like a great situation.

I never had issue with my manager, in fact we got along really well and they looked out for me a bit as I live in a state far away from my family and don’t have a lot of connections here.

I worked roughly 60-70 hours a week for a few months to help them get the store back in shape.

Illnesses can make work nearly impossible.

This all changed when I got sick about a month and half ago. I was tired all the time, barely able to get out of bed. My doctor attributed this to a combination of severe burn out (I’m also a single parent, go to school full time, etc.) and from my anemia worsening.

The last two weeks were the worst as my son (7 years old) came down with conjunctivitis and then an upper resp infection back to back. He had issues breathing on Wednesday morning and in my panic of getting him to the hospital I forgot to notify work. I did as soon as I could and got documentation to excuse myself.

Not calling into work is never going to look good.

That night I was up with him late, well into the early hours of the morning and fell asleep by accident around 5am. My neighbor usually watches him for me and when I didn’t come knock on her door to let her know I was going to work – she just assumed that I had taken the day off and didn’t want to bother us.

So, I was dead to world for almost the whole morning until my son woke me up for breakfast.

Yeah, I honestly can’t blame the manager.

I woke up to no missed calls, just a passive aggressive text from my manager and a write up for a no call/no show.

The text basically read “wow, I didn’t expect this behavior from you. I get that your kid is sick and you’re tired but I’m tired too and I still show up. I’m writing you up.”

The manager should have called her, but still.

To add some context here; it’s store policy to try calling the employee at least one time before labeling them a nc/ns. My cell phone was right next to my head and I know that my phone ringing would have woken me up without issue because I’m a light sleeper.

I immediately tried calling her to explain but got sent to voicemail. Then I texted her, apologized and explained what happened. She replied “ok.”

She’s not wrong.

I then asked why she hadn’t tried calling me before writing me up and she told me it’s because “I’m an assistant manager and I need to be held to a higher standard”.

She has always called me if I’m running late, she has always called the other assistants if they’re running late. She called someone’s mom one time when they didn’t show up for work.

A warning would have been appropriate.

I’ve never no called/no showed before, and I’ve never gotten in trouble here either.

I made a promise to myself this year that I wouldn’t be a doormat for anyone, so I wrote up my notice. Emailed it to her, cc’d our DM and HR and stated exactly why my notice was being submitted. (I have plenty in savings to survive the summer if I can’t find another job, so there wasn’t much risk to me for quitting)

Things are moving along fast.

After I sent it (around 5 am this morning), I went on indeed and applied for a few jobs. I had call backs for interviews by 9am and the local hospital (working as a surgery tech) is interested in bringing me in for a secondary interview next week.

My now ex-manager is listed as my supervisor on my resume, and of course the hospital called her for an employment reference. I had already informed the hiring manger of the hospital that she may give me a bad reference due to why I left.

This is pretty unprofessional of the manager.

She sent me a string of texts telling me it was “ballsy” of me to use her as a reference given that I just “did her dirty” and that it wasn’t fair to use her as a reference because I quit so recently.

AITA?

Not exactly. She didn’t list her as a reference, but the new company called anyway, which is not too unusual. This person needs to own up to her issues with calling in, but the manager was also out of line and should have let it go.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about this story.

Only list positive references.

This commenter is right.

It depends on what country she is in.

Yup, just give a generic number.

I haven’t heard of this either.

Why did she list her as a reference at all?

If you liked this post, check out this story about an employee who got revenge on a co-worker who kept grading their work suspiciously low.